Ways That Matter

Today, I woke up with intention. At first it looks like everything has began to take shape. All the works are now coming together. But my lips are tight, very tight, as I found out that I have compounded things that should have been very simple. Writing a book is hard, but still, what happened to communication? Do I hate God and African Americans? Well , if you ever love politics and liberal propaganda you must have buried me by now, yet they have no idea what projects to acknowledge? They relay every message they want the world to hear without hesitating to their ideas. They are internationally connected, now it is all about what Hillary wants,  she wants free education for all four-year-olds and they are not worried about who is going to pay for it. Then if you force people to pay for it, what is going to be the consequences? That is the liberal way of killing African American children through their control. President Clinton will restore hope through Global initiatives, are you kidding me. Where are we, what century are we on right now?  In life, you must love the two, God interchangeably with African American, yet the two does not go hand in hand. You decide. But then what did I do or could have done differently? Then as I woke up today, I realized that we are now on holidays, packing, and tears streaming down my face. It`s going to be a long summer, a beautiful summer I have promised my family. I will try and be there for them. There are things we love to do together, like going out to play. But I cannot complain, or say what I did yesterday, but I can vouch that my life has been on a straight lane now for a long time. I have over burned myself with so much which may not make sense to anyone. But as I began to write today; I want to remind myself that writing is a gift. Writing is a joy and life is too short to continue to struggle this way. I have tried to build a house in a honey land. I look distraught at what dangers I have created, the worst came from having to explain my intentions. Finally, get it, understand it, you are a writer, from a distance planet. Your home is way up and above. You stay as a swindle, opposing the home you have created. If there is a time, I want to go back to? Well, I want to go back to the first time I began writing; when passion was still there. Then I was not looking at who was there or who is saying what? Now, that I started, time is drawing so close to this day. I want to focus on all the little thing; I want to freedom that only creating can bring, freedom to my life again. This life and its meaning have some rapporteur, what I care for is that life comes back to where it was before. I care that our moving goes smoothly. I hope we will all dance again. What matters now is what is good for black children all over the world, poor people and not what democrats want. There is always a book to read. What are you reading this summer?reading boy


To Do Justice Is Within Our Own Discretions

According to Wistawa Szymborska in one of her classified advertisement.

john connelyWHOEVER’S found out what location?
 Compassion (heart’s imagination)
 Can be contacted at these days,
Is herewith urged to name the place;
 And sing about it in full voice,
And dance like crazy and rejoice
Beneath the frail birch that appears
To be upon the verge of tears

I wish all writers were happy people. I wish they all lived in big fancy mansions without anything bothering them at one point in time. There is nothing happy about writing. Writing is an expression of all the good, the bad,and the ugly.

In 2011 a woman with  Parkinson disease was kidnapped in her own home two months after she left USA. The kidnappers thought because of her condition, that her family would come up with a huge ransom they were requesting, but that was not the case. You can’t  force people to give you a lump some of money that they do not have themselves.

These kidnappers watched as she was dying slowly, yet they still kept her until she was about to die. They finally gave up and pushed her out in dry weather to  die helplessly . This is a country that 80-90% of its citizen practices religion. This news brought tears to even those that did not know the woman.

Unfortunately we live in a world that puts pressure on people to do what they are not supposed to do to others. Even things that make no sense can push people to oppress others. Things that are so meaningless can lead humans to hate one another.

Since Nov 2013, some people took hostage of my other  blog. They published things that I never authorized them to do. They often published things that made me look like an illiterate. I have seen things on Google on my blog that puts fear in me. They often left my blog trashed, making it so impossible for me to write. I have spent many hours on telephone talking about my site more than I had spent time  writing.

They even put my blog settings on private so that no one can come here and leave a message. They find it so fascinating that no one was reading my blog. The worst I felt was to break down in front of my own children. They often hold me begging me to stop crying; I wonder what I did to deserve such a horrible punishment. I wonder why, but like I said we live in an unknown world where everything interferes; where some people feel the need at all times to suppress others especially if they had nothing good to say about them. We also live in a world that regardless of how careful one is something may come in between .

Like the woman who died over a senseless act, I think that money should not be an avenue for people to create harm on others. If you love money so much then go and work for it. You do not force people to pay for your own comfort. I wonder how anyone can watch as an old woman was deprived of her medicines and make her to die.

I totally believe that writing is an inheritance. Nobody should force anyone to write. Even if writing has turned into a joke,  yet write so that nothing that comes through your mouth is empty.  I do not know what will happen again. I do not know what will happen. I repeat. But forgiveness is the key to all hurts. The more we forgive people, the more our hearts are at peace. I may not know so much about technology.  I may not know so much about the internet. But all I know is that whenever someone hurt you the best part is to forgive them.

My experience here on internet has decreased my enthusiasm about the world that I love so dearly. It has also created anxiety whenever  I think about the children, their faith in the world today. Like Wistawa said,

 WHOEVER’S found out what location?
Compassion (heart’s imagination)
 Can be contacted at these days,
Is herewith urged to name the place;
 And sing about it in full voice,

Before, anyone can do just the minimum and still succeed. But now you can no longer do minimum. You must do maximum. You must exceed expectations. You must understand how the world works and then put all two and one together.

Cry my beloved country because things have changed so much. But hope still looms. There is a world beneath it all.

My writing may not make sense to you, but I see things that ordinary people do not see. I have seen women and children that are helpless and still helpless. I see things that make me want to cry. But live your life so that you will not create unnecessary hardship on someone else.

To do justice is to be fair to others. Treat people the way you would want others to treat you. Never should you spend your precious time planning just harm to your fellow human.

The death of Ne…

The death of Nelson Mandela has come to live in each and every one of us. It is not about death anymore, but the need to think globally as we all have to die one day knowing that race has nothing to do with our lives, but how we have lived it. We all want a place where all people can identify with what made each and every one of us special. The idea to bring in a world that is connected not only in the ways in which we see things, but the ways in which we see our fellow human beings. A world where we can Work with each talent, refined their ideas in creating a more harmonious world that is better and safe for all humanity .Think globally, think oneness, and think individually. Noaefame

On The Death Of Mandela

When You Can Be Thankful Too

What are you thankful for?  It is no wonder the time is here again. The fall brings in good tidings, the blessings that have no measure. Happiness among many things is supposed to be around the corner. The Thanksgiving celebration is here again, a time to celebrate everything from our health to all the favors we have had all year. A time of caring, a time of giving, and a time of showing gratitude. There is so much to be grateful, and much to be happy about. Yet a lot of things have come and gone that has made us remain so impassive.

Recently too many things have happened that were not supposed to happen. Too many people are hurting; the economy is so bad and the mood in our country is really not that great. According to a new study, 47% of women remain underpaid. Remember the economy goes with women’s directions.  There is a lack of growth opportunities especially for women, the research has indicated. Banks are not really excited  about giving out loans.The student loans are sending shivers to a lot of students who think that it will take years for them to finish paying their student loans. The truth remains that there is a real crisis in the world.

I know someone will say, “Is she supposed to be bringing this up?. Can she ever do without reminding us about what is wrong always?” Can she go one day without saying what is wrong?”  Well, that is not how I work. My job is not to be happy because my life is better. My job is not to promote dishonest people,or to pretend that all the children are having equal opportunities out there whether by design or by accidents.  My job is to look at things that creates poverty, a look at things that bring uncertainties.  I still worry about all the injustice that goes on every day. Can I change all the things that go bad in the world today? No, but I see more problems because I work closely with people. In reality, people are not celebrating the way they should be now. Why?  There are so many problems going on. I have seen people look at me disgustedly and have felt that I am part of the problem. Most of them do not even know that I too have been working without pay pretty much. I still belong to the statistics of underpaid women. I still have more than $56,000 in student loans. I am still wondering how?

How about these Wishes Right Now?.

1 Wish there is an answer to the lingering problems here in our country. Recently I met a little girl that has lost her mother. Her grandmother is now worried that she is behind in her reading. At 5 years old. She is totally behind in her reading and mental skills. I know how that feels. For those of us that grew up with our grandmothers, it is not always easy on them because they want to do something great for their grand kids, but the truth is that they are tired to do so much. Therefore, children like Abigail will continue to struggle; part of the poverty circle that will never go away.

2 A time we wished we are in a world where we can be able to tell how sad and how mad we are without someone calling us a complainer.

3 A time we wished we live in a country where anyone can enjoy his or her hard earned money without someone frowning at their success. Calling them show offs, ego, selfish and other things that go on here.

4 A time we wish to live in a world where anyone can tell what he or she sees and say how he or she saw it, without someone calling for his or her head.

5 A time we wish we live in a country where anyone can say what he or she knows without someone calling them egoistic.

6 A time we wish we live in a Country where we can build a home without a problem.

7 Wish we can also preach the gospel and practice religion without someone calling us a hypocrite

8 Wish we can also tell the truth without being in trouble

9 Wish we can make a mistake without going to jail.

10 Wish we can cry out so that somebody will listen to us but oftentimes we never get a shot.

11 Wish we can ask questions, save a child before he or she commit suicide

12 Wish we can be so free to shout at our own convenience without annoying someone.

13 Smile because life deserves it.

14 Support who you want to support; love who you want, without people bringing race to it.

15 Wish we can claim any nationality without getting backlash.

16 Wish we can help the helpless without thinking that they are our nightmares and treat them so horribly.

After facing unnecessary backlash too . I have recently begun to worry about my children, and other people’s children, and thinking what kind of world they will be growing into.” They are still better off here in America,” I cried. I still think that in terms of everything, this remains one of the best countries in the world, but things are not totally perfect. Finally, one of the things I enjoyed when I was growing up in Africa was the ability to love who I want to love, listen to the kind of music that I love, and  talk about my favorite writers without something reminding me about my color or race. I know my children will not experience that and it hurts so badly.

The issue of race is the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed here. I grew up in a culture of different tribes and know that there is nothing wrong about being different.  I know it is hard to be both colors. But we  live in a country where majority still see pretty much everything on race, stereotypes, assumptions and biases. Sometimes we fail to teach our children the most important values of loving their neighbors as themselves. We hear things that will make us hate each other more especially if we continue to listen to some TV stations that talk about race all the time. No wonder things are the way they are now. I wish we all have answers to all these problems that will never go away. I wish we can celebrate Thanksgiving in a very good mood without worrying about weather, money and our places in history. I hope this Thanksgiving will give you all that you have ever asked for. Make you show more gratitude. Give you opportunity to love more than you have ever done before. Thanks giving is not only for the good times, but  also a time to give thanks even in the mist of all the good, the bad, and all the ugly things surfacing before our eyes that we have no control of. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. without you, i am nothing and you know it.

What you will take away from this today  is that real life sound so much negative. I promise, my idea is not to dampen anyone`s  spirit. But to find ways we can live in harmony. I know most people will feel and relate with this also. But I appreciate you for reading it . What are you thankful about ?

The Gifted:Working Poor And The Internet

Just For the voiceless.
I hope I miss technology in general
The internet in  particular.
I hope you miss me when I decide I have had enough
Recent events have pushed us further
You will no longer rely on  your strengths alone  any longer
You must have a heart
You must run as fast as you can
You must persevere
There is no place for a poor man anymore
Poverty has never been about stigma
Poverty should not make you hide
Regardless of how lazy anyone thinks you are.
Especially if you have done all that is required of you
All that has been asked of you
Intimidation of any sort should not find you
It is depressing if you ask me
There is no need to start a war
There is no war to start
But something is unbelievably strange here
You can feel it
It is very imposing
You can scream all you want
And no one will hear you
They will not understand you either
Even if they want to
I am so sure no one knows how this place works
I am beggining to think so
There is no reason for them to
After all, the internet holds the key to salvation
It`s the beginning and the end of all interactions,
so they say.
This is where all the money lives
Yet you can hardly see it rolling.
There is more than a force here
Pray for those who will be coming after us
Ask for favor
I have been here before
Nothing has been as consuming as this
This is not about creating attention
An unnecessary one if you care.
But something is not right here
Writing is about creativity
It is not forceful
Sometimes it is not shareable
It works like magic
It is not about profit if you ask anyone
But recent events have made it so, it seems.
Cry if it`s worth crying for
Persevere because you have a long way to go
A long, really long way……..
Unfortunately longer than necessary.
You can read this piece to understand more.

Undaunted Piece.

Love should not be complicated.
It`s what you see down the road.
Should we have told the truth to save others? 
A piece of work so startling for anyone to take it seriously.
Little ones roaming around looking aimlessly at something that never was.
Little truth should have cleared this myth. 
Why we castigate others and promote others
Speaks passionately about others then cannot stand the others.
How do you know that love actually happened?
How do you know when they cannot fake it?
Who is marrying on love?
Why do we fixate on this thing call love? 
Is happiness actually as a result of it? 
Love comes to us like fresh air.
Cool us when it flashes.
Gives us flares when it has heated up.
Left us cold when  it has fizzled out.
Misrepresents our feelings when  we could not handle it anymore.
Put us all up in the moment.
Who is deceiving who now?
Similar echo viewed before. 
Love is strange so much to learn.
Love is conquering so loud and clear
Love is confronting so much 
To share.

Help Me Reach My Potential And Help The Children

Help Me Reach My Potential And Help The Children

On June 28th, I signed up with Friesen Press to begin the process of publishing my full-length collection of poetry, short stories and probably my biography. My dream work by Friesen Press, I am very excited. It is still a dream long yet to be fulfilled.

Over the last eight months when I started blogging, I never knew that I would begin to publish a book so early. I know that it is a welcomed idea, and I will put in my best work to make it a success.

Now the money for the publisher, even with the discount they gave me, I am yet to collect the whole amount. I still have a long way to go.

Someone might ask, “Why?” traditional publishing. Well poetry is unfortunately one of those things that if you are a new author to be, you will need all the guidance and the editing that traditional publishers will provide.

Secondly, this poetry will serve as a charity, if it is well done. I plan to donate some to schools and the library.

I will need your help to make this a success. I will need to raise money to put it in perspective.

I will be collecting the funding  slowly as I have set up a Go funding account which has turned out to be “not so fun finding help.” This idea was given to me through one of my trusted friends. I always  find it so difficult to raise money because I am not so confident when it comes to asking for money. I have also suffered greatly for my shortcomings, especially if it has to do with money. Secondly nothing scares me like the scrutiny that comes with charity. I will continue with the publishing as soon as  I have part of the money as we are  working on a date.

I have enjoyed writing, and I am so glad that people are reading it.

I hope this is the beginning of something new. I will work hard to make sure that I put in my best effort.

Why would you be part of this? http://www.gofundme.com/3zp5eg

 You do not have to do it, but please, it will be highly appreciated if I could get some help.

First, I am still a student with roughly $63.000 in student loans.  Between raising children and going to school, it has been very hard to do  anything.

Secondly, I have tried to get a loan to run this place to no avail. And I cannot claim Non profit yet because I have  been blogging  for only  eight months. From what I know now, this is  not yet a business because according to AZSBDC, It takes a year to register anything as a business.

Thirdly,  my other blog Noaefame.com, which I did not know anything about those sites when I  decided to  relocate  my blog has been given me  a lot of trouble. I have spent so much time worrying about that site than doing the actual writing. I have  done some work there that I have yet to publish but cannot because the text does not come out right. I have tried to explain the frustrations I was going through, but I wasn’t quite making my case. I was also telling those who had made up their minds not to understand me. Not because they do not like me, but they think they have better plans for me.

Therefore I would like the upgrade from WordPress that will allow me to raise some money here on my own.  I can make cards and  sell them here to raise some money too.

This blog at wordpress.com  cannot do that. You cannot raise money on a free  site as I have come to understand,

And lastly. I am a mother of four little girls. I still have to help them financially, so I decided to go back to school full time by January 11th  to start  my  nursing degree. A science course that I started three years ago, but the progress I made from now on will determine if I will waive the school for another semester to help me publish the book. My husband and I are still in school. With extra money in my pocket, I will help our family, buy a new computer, buy a phone which I do not have. I will do so much for my charity which I hope to set up very soon.  And most importantly, this is how the American dream is realized.

Help me as I have just embarked on this journey. We are expecting to raise $1000 dollars.

In 2012  I lost my father. The significance of this was that I did not see him for 15 years because of the distance and lack of finances from me. The truth is that I open up this blog to  grieve. The pain was so much that I let it all out here. It was liberating at the same time. I knew I had other things to share, but the out pouring of support was so  much until I started writing poetry. Then my Christian community abandoned me which was another whole story.

The good news is that I always have a backup plan. For example, If I did not raise money to go to Africa, I will wait till when I can afford it.  Secondly, I still have option to continue with my classes in  college. It is easy for me to stay in school than to survive outside the school environment. Going to Africa Next year will be a dream come through especially if I can travel with my children, if not we will waite.

I hope all of you will help me and get there. I have gotten help from all the wonderful people on internet. I am so honored for all the care. I hope to continue to write every day. I have gone through so much trying to do it on my own. I will continue to seek help both emotionally and spiritually. You can help by clicking on the link to donate for a good cause. Thank you for even considering to do this.

In the long run, I have three ideas to write: I hope to write a book that will be useful to the community as I was helped reading other people`s.

Journey Through El Paso

Journey through El Paso

Driving through the way laid land.

In a desert full of flurry, sands, graves, wind twisters.

A journey coast to coast.

The journey through El Paso

The cemeteries, the beautiful trees, the dry grasses, the hip jesters

The red trucks, the fancy cars, the trashy cars.

The canary, where racing begins.

The free loaders, the rejoinders.

Saving faces as we kept on moving

Toward El Paso over the threshold

Quiet, guilt, calm as the people move

Sand twisters, sand blowers, mind blowers, quiet pacers strange as can be.

 Great Elpaso made notorious by the great  Democrats

Singing Blues over the egde

Repetition of the word made it easy

yes to find the furlough.

As I waited to pass the edge.

it become cold, quiet and calm

contrary to what they people made it to be, loud , noisy and clasp of hands

But my memory still real on a way over ElPaso

Life is not really as it seems on Television

A Tribute To A Manager

Yes there is a  manager

Who manages my life without knowing it?

He speaks through my fears

He elaborates on issues that are real

Are you a manager?

What kind of world will it be without the thoughtful, mindful, and watchful?

Hands on manger.

Pulled me back when I rolled off the road

Keep an eye on everything I do

Manages my emotions

Tell me to accelerate when there is a need

Watches over me

Doesn’t know where I came from

My social security

He does not know where I live,

whom I live with.

We all need managers to guide and direct our parts in a mist of heavy storms.

To all managers all over the world, thank you all for the great work you do

We could have driven off the cliff  if not for your imaginary vision

Gift of managing.

Reality, Lessons, And Changing Times

I remember when I told  the general public how It  feels when someone moves without saying bye; especially If I knew those people for a long time( but most people do not believe in this including my own children). Last week when I was going on a seven day road trip. I wanted to go  quietly. But on a second thought, I decided to write it in my blog . I wrote it not because I have declared my self a celebrity. But because  I felt I should not treat people as if they do not matter especially people that have been reading my blog since I started writing. For me, to keep them wandering is not a good way of communicating.

Yesterday again when we came back from our trip, we were tired,and exhausted at same time. Imagine going on a road trip with four under 13year olds . I wanted to just move on. But I also realize that even while I was away. I have well wishers wishing me well and I cannot ignore that too.

Things that make sense

1 During the trip, I realized that I needed that break. It brought a whole new meanings to my life right now.  I was more tensed  than I had thought, But I did`nt  realize that . During the time away, I was able to do things normally I would not have done especially with  time constraints.

2  I also realize  how vulnerable life is for most people going through divorce. I took it so personal ,especially  my girlfriend is going through a  divorce and I was crying that life is not fair. She was consoling me also to  take it easy. She kept telling me that I should stop lamenting because in life , we can easily get discouraged . But how do you know that? probably she reads my blog too and had  never told me to stop on my comment box. That is why , I  have more unanimous readers which is not good for me. I am listening and learning too. Lessons of  life, both from far and near.

3 I also spent more time reflecting on so many things. Thinking what  I could  have done differently? Whether by my actions, my blog ,my children and other things I am interested in . Is life  fair?  if you ask me, I will say yes. But I will also tell people  to keep  working  hard .Whether  they  are working for their children, in  their  work places , for their  husbands or even when they are blogging. life needs more updates every time. I have had more updates in my own life than anyone I can think of. I am still trying too many options to see which works better.

On Changing Times :The Untold Stories 

I also did not tell  anyone  that I had visited more than 20 or more  States in the country  before I became  a mum. But had not really travel except when we are relocating especially now that we are many. Also before  my children were born, I had travel alone for days in  Boston so that I could go to  law school , because Harvard was an ideal university for every foreigner until they get here from their countries and then realized that life is rough.  But I ran away from the cold city. Not to impress anyone now or make it all about me no! but to tell you how life changes for most people.

I finally wept and said to myself, “parenting is a choice”  that we all have to make. A choice that is so critical for every parent. If  anyone  decides to have   children. Whether it is convenient or not,  we may somehow switch direction for them. Because  If we  do  not  raise them well , they  will  become another added liability to an already saturated , and complicated situations as we have now.

Finally I want people to know how civilized , how generous. and kind the people of this great country is. When you are in trouble, check your emails for honest and clear solutions. People will go to any length to give you  all the information one needs. Thanking  everyone who thought about me while I was gone . All of you, I could not have done it differently.There  is always going to be life lessons  , innovations with our  ever changing times. Help me  get better. Think about what I could have done differently? .