You Can Give Yourself A Gift of Patience

To have patience or not is still an art that has to be mastered. Patience is  what we exhibit in our daily life wherever we are. It takes a lot to be patient whether we understand how it works or not to achieve greatness. One of the early lessons  I learned from reading the voyages of discovery was seeing how tough and impatient some of the early discoveries were. Some ran out of patience before they could make it to their next point of destination, while others like Christopher Columbus waited patiently until he helped to discover America. Part of life is to exhibit patience in everything that we do.

Messages of patience is nothing new; even Isaac Newton said it, “If I have ever made any valuable discoveries , it has been owing more to  patient attention, than to any other talents.”

Patience is  a gift that not everyone possesses. Even people that are gifted naturally often lose it if there is too much pressure coming from the realm.

One of the things I have learned along the way is that the ways in which people process information is different. People work according to their own pace. As patient as anything else, writing is soothing  if it comes naturally too.

One of my best wishes in life is patience. Just like patience, writing comes from the heart; it does not come because someone is teaching  you how to write; if not, I am sure everyone would have  been an outstanding writer. Writing comes with impulse. You can also write what you have experienced in your life. You can equally help people to write their own books too if you so desire. So please take your time, let go of any kind of pressure, and release the impulse.

Patience I found out is hard to come by now. In the world today, we want everything so soon that it conflicts with our daily interactions. We even want it so bad that it conflicts with our moral values. Impatience happens  also when we  run around for the wrong reasons. It is possible too when we follow what is trending and not as one sees it. For me, the only thing that drives me to the parts unknown is my inability to understand all the mind boggling with technology. I will accept that it has made me to look for help. My biggest pride if you know me is my ability to have patience. There is no way an impatient person will continue to learn what he or she is struggling with; most times, people do not have time to wait.

Talking about patience, if you have not told a child  to stop seven times; evidently too you may not make sense of what it takes to be patient with children; if you doubt that too “why do some babysitters eventually wind up in jail?. Not because they  do not have the type of patience you and I have, but patience has a lot to do with impulses. Dictionary defines it as an impelling force. A sudden wish or urge that prompts an unpremeditated act or feeling.

Talking about impatience, a friend of ours left his practice to go and teach a lecture on the topic  of patience to some college students. What drove him to do that became a puzzle not until everyone knew that he was going to jail the next day.

By going to jail, that means he will leave his practice for a while. As a doctor his duty is to protect lives, but on this day, he  ran out of  patience and accidentally hurt a passerby. He was speeding; he knew that he could have slowed down but wasn`t thinking until the accident happened. According to him, he would do anything to take that day back. He thought that the pain of going to jail especially when one has not condition him or herself  to the jail environment can become very unsettling.

I met a young girl recently who told me that she was so impatient with her mother that she decided to move out of her home. While on her own she found out that she will need extra money to pay her rent. From paying her rent, she dropped out of school. Yet she has not finished. Like she said Nov 9th would have being 6 years she dropped out of school. To her, the problem has just begun. She wished she could have waited to complete her studies. Life is a roller coaster if you believe in it. I said, “How can you get your life back? What will it take you to change your life?”

Effects of Impatience

  1. When we are impatient, it changes how we process information. I do not know about you, but whenever I become anxious or impatient, it affects the ways I think. Sometimes I have learned to shut down my own computer and take a long walk or fall asleep.
  2. When we are impatient, it keeps us moving in a fast direction. For example, you will be doing everything, yet you are not achieving anything.
  3. When we are impatient, it makes things harder than they seem. For example, children are becoming so impatient with their parents that they are moving in with their friends. Impatience creates anxiety that normally will not be there. Impatience gives us an unplanned schedule that we will later regret

1 Impacts of Patience

2 But with patience, we can weigh-in other options and choose from the best.

3 With patience, we can learn new things and see how it goes.

4 With patience we may find mistakes along the way, especially in our relationships.

5 With patience we can finish our classes and wait for a better job. I encourage you to be patient in all the things you do.  Without patience, one may go the wrong way at the wrong time,

Let the world be at peace now; the only place we will only know. Let us  create words that keep us at peace and not at war, a place where no human can falter. But a world where every soul will flourish, may you inspire someone today. May your voices create peace in the universe.

Five Women Five Unique Cases

I was having a discussion with a friend whom I have known for years recently. Before her baby came last two years ago, she was enjoying a pain free schedule; she was responding not only to the nursing responsibilities and honoring every duty that she had to, but was also doing so many other things besides her regular job . I remember making turkey dinner for her family each year because both of them worked  in a medical field .But everything changed for her in the last two years as she have  began to see changes in her own family. Adding another child to their growing family did not help her as she had finally decided to stay home with the children. She became a little bit sad that she had to quit her job even though she was also enjoying her motherhood; but then she had to depend on her husband for all their expenses and she does not understand why she should not contribute to their home expenses . She even brought in a helper but realized that she needs to be there in her house .It has now dawned on her that there are so many reasons why some women do not work after they have more than one child ,even after their education, she said.

Why did I began to talk about this issue now? I did because women are more likely to be discriminated at work especially after having a baby. They will be marginalized in years to come. I was reading this documentary of how this artist lost her career after she had her baby. I had seen many women stay home after they had their babies and would not want to go back after many years of being at home. I did similar thing too when I had my second child. So our role was very clear from the beginning if I am not mistaken,

I believe that with good education, more women will be fit to manage their own problems without so much trouble. Education sustains economic development and growth (Oppong and Abu, 1997).The buzz about education is that education will give women an alternative to sedentary living. It will give them another prospect and allow them to manage their time efficiently. But recently, the issues with   escalating student loans, coupled with uncertainties about their future has led many people to question education and where it is going.

Education is still alive, I will say.  I will stand here and defend that education is not dead and not going to die,but to get ahead in today’s world , one needs  all the education she or he  will need to get   to be able to communicate better, work a decent job  , and become relevant in today`s world regardless of what anyone might say .

Secondly, to be successful now in this communication and internet age, too, one must now avoid the traditional way of sticking to one course or specialize in this course and not another course unless one is going to become a doctor, engineer or one of these professional courses that will sustain ones home without stress.

But going for Bachelor of Arts degree like we all know it this day will require more than BA to survive. Today one has to mix it up with a little bit of science and a little more to technology: but the problem may not even be education anymore for women.

After all we have done so far, how do women transition from A to B without obstacles like finding a perfect schedule, or getting into a high skilled jobs without so many eyes rolling, or take for instance a woman who has three children and thinking about going to Iraq or even Africa to cover a project; can she just wake up and go? Or, will it take months for her to prepare?. Or, can anyone imagine a mother leaving the house whenever she wants without worrying about her children? But all these issues can be easier for a man regardless of how insignificant his job is. But to say there is competition with men is to do injustice to the men since their roles are different from women, but as women, I guess something has got to give.

I have faced more challenges recently than I ever thought I would. How can we move beyond being women? Writing a book, novel or even short stories takes women away from their homes, it also requires moving up and down to their favorite places to write .How can a female writer in particular function and still maintain her integrity?.

What is even worse is that because many women have different issues they go through, it is also sad because different issues are not experienced the same between women. There are thousands of issues that are different issues to women  I am going to give about five examples.

For example, a woman with five children and with money may not know what it means to have five children and poor. Just like a happily married woman may not know what an unhappy woman in a relationship was going through but they are all women.

Worse also some women love their pink and would not give up on being a woman and embracing it, while those born women in a man skin will find it hard to flourish as a woman. Also how women are viewed overseas, their roles and what they do are different from how women are viewed in America and other developed countries.

Take for example, a woman who waited to fall in love may be indifferent towards a woman who just find hers in a split of an eye.

Here in America for example, young and unmarried singles are treated with respect and honor. In  Africa, young unmarried girls don`t worth anything as the society still have their biases against them especially if they tried to push their way up the ladder. And also because they do not have simple jobs in third world countries  like we have here in the State.

Again some women made a clear decisions that they will not bother with children ,then there are some who love children so much that they have nine kids not even worrying about how they are going to raise those children,

It is even hard to figure out how we can look at women and wonder how to solve the world`s problem? But the world problem cannot be solved because many women with children are still in poverty. How can we look beyond our struggles and come to terms with all the issues that create hardships for women. I hate to fixate on issues like this,  I have better things to talk about than  worrying about women`s  fate in a man’s world , but there is no way we can move to the next level without addressing our issue, women`s  issues, and their  children that depend on them for their  emotional support.

This morning I was imagining what it still means to be a woman and still struggling to do it all? How can we move Beyond Being A Woman?  Recently, I am a class that is stretching my abilities to comprehend why I was born in a man`s cloth in the first place. Then I began to think like a man in a class full of women. That was when I realize that I was in a wrong place and at appointed time.Then I cried out Help me now.

I have tried to do it all ,yet there is so many obstacles that all I have left was to cry out loud ( I normally do not ) . How can we move beyond what everyone wants us to do except what we want to do ourselves ?

How is your case different? For every five women there is a unique story and  five different challenges and we know it. How do women`s struggles effect their children. You need to love us the way we are. We need to start feeling the love from everyone that care to listen.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-a-buffett/when-children-are-born-le_b_4017360.html

For The love Of History The Wedding

What are you reading? What type of books do you like to read? Although Black History month has ended today, still  these two revolutionaries made history during Harlem Renaissance.

Harlem Renaissance was a movement that started in 1920s. It was an African American culture, particularly in the creative arts of that period. It later became one of the most influential movements in African American history. It created works for a lot of African American writers that had no opportunities then. Dorothy  contributed to the writing of that movement, yet it took  her years to write her  first novel.

Her book became  a masterpiece which called for a  celebration  due to many years it took to publish the book ( 26years). The Wedding was about people, her family, married life, love, color, and how race became an integral part of that novel. How race interfered in everything. Her determination to write after many failures blew my heart. I read her book in a comparative literature class about six years ago. Her determination to publish that book gained her attention. She was a timeless author whose work was admired by her co-authors Langston Hughes  who once called her “A student of human race”.Why do professors incorporate people like her in literature? They do so because people can learn from their strengths.

Dorothy West

W EB, Du Bois made history by becoming the first African America to earn a PhD from Harvard. He fought for  black culture, for  education and most especially for people to continuously aspire higher. He wrote many proses and poems. He created arts for his people. .

Sometimes, I worry about history. I worry also about those who intentionally misunderstood what history is all about. Our work is always a working process. Every timeless work of arts, takes time. Now to write a book or not to write a book is a decision one has to go through. Why is it difficult to produce a book?  A book is not about show and tell as most people will tell you. If I quote Martin Buber “a book may die before it gets to its destination”. You never know where a book will come alive. This was based on his  observations with his many  books. Most timeless books may or may not get attention they deserve.

wei buis

Secondly, a book may or may not have a purpose yet it will find a way to fulfill those purposes. Take Dorothy’s book for instance, the Wedding was about her family, marrying outside her race. From all indication, we also learned that race is not a cultural thing but a human thing. People will always look at you differently as long as you are different from them. I worry about all the war on race. One of the things I had never carried on my sleeve and I am sure you do not carry was how people see race. It takes away all we are, who we are, and why we are here on earth. In Dorothy`s world, we cannot help but ask the question “can people escape all the forces that had followed them all their lives?  Must something always had  to remind us about race? Of course yes!Can we escape been called out it either way. Are we directing our children in the right way?

Secondly, her book reminds us that it does not matter how many years it took to produce a book, just write.  A book is a book regardless. Thanks for reminding us that race is a human thing. We cannot escape it. History lives on. This is also an opportunity to say thank you to all of you that have opened door for me; whether through a book, or webinar or all the stuff that matters to me. I hope we continue to work in harmony .I am still a working progress. I still put everything into  considerations. Thank you all. Please if you want to know more about  the book feel free to let me know.

For all of you who have continued to seek peace
For making our  work easier.
Thanks for all that you do to create peace.
We continue to live because of all they have done.

A Writers Role According To Achebe

A Writers Role especially African`s writers according to Achebe

Things Fall Apart ...we are acknowledging writers who have paved the way for Africans  literature.

things fall apart

In celebrating African-American month, one cannot read our history or understand our fights without looking at it through the eyes of some of our revolutionaries and authors. The role of a writer should not be underestimated. This writer`s role plays many function in educating about the responsibility of attaching human values through his or her work. The job of a novelist is to help people see dangers that normally would not have been brought to people’s attention. The ability for an African writer to see, feel, hear, and still maintain a peaceful composure should  be admired by all people.

Writing is a testimony as ‘Things Fall Apart’ taught us; if you did not document your work, and get credit for it, it never happened. The power of words cannot be ignored as poetry has become a bridge to the people’s hearts. The words in Achebe`s poetry have a way of connecting with the people as his other works showed .And as Rita Dove rightly said, “Every town needs it poet”.

Achebe was born in the Village of Ogidi, a few miles from Onitsha in Nigeria. He became one of the first students to graduate from the University College Ibadan in 1953. Like many authors, Achebe was to study medicine but was attracted to the liberal arts which lead him to read English literature. As a visionary, he did so many good things that helped put him in a right path to success. His upbringing helped him; as he credited his early success to his Ibo community with a great leadership role. He benefited from the love and caring people in his community.

His novel became a story with a universal appeal. According to Steven H. Gale, part of the value and appeal of this novel laid in Achebe detailing the everyday life of the nine villages in Nigeria, and   Umofia in particular, in what would become the nation of Nigeria, in the days immediately before the coming of the white man (Gale).

Talking about learning:Things Fall Apart’ exposes the danger, fear, and the resistance that civilization brought to the people of Nigeria. The novel focused its roots on the conflicts and tensions within the Ibo society; as well as, changes that were introduced by colonial rule and Christianity. Achebe had fun as he was narrating the resistance that followed it.

As a learner, you can learn from others that life is not really what it seems. In Things Fall Apart, the main star of the story Okonkwo became a major character that brought honor to his community. He became a renowned macho man yet, his life according to the narrator was dominated by his “fear of failure and of weaknesses”. The book maintained its dignity yet was able to narrate a life of difficulties, pain, and sorrow that people went through.

Throughout the novel, Achebe played different roles but the most obvious role was his role,

as a teacher. Achebe believes that the role of a novelist is to teach. In his own word

, “the writer cannot be excused from the task of re-educating and re-generation that must be done. In fact he should march right in front. For he is after all – as Ezekiel Mphahele says in his African Image-the sensitive point in his community “. (Gale 74)

Through this book, readers understood what it means to live in fear. From reading, they saw that change was hard but it can also be a good thing if one gives it a chance.

Adding values, Achebe spoke widely on what he considers to be the role of a writer and in particular, the responsibilities of an African writer.

“I believe that the writer should be concerned with the question of human values” As a novelist, Achebe attempts to educate his readers, to expose them to “human values” (Gale)

As a re-teller :One of the important aspects of Achebe`s book was the retelling of the story so that the younger generation could still see it as it was in those days.

Life in Nigeria would have been different if not for the important lesson everyone learned from ‘Things Fall Apart.’ The book brought him fame, favor, and admiration from all over the world that he would not have had otherwise. The book reiterated the importance of embracing change, especially the ones we could not change.

Through his book, most people realize that spoken words are different from writing. Most importantly,before’Things Fall Apart’, things were already complicated in Nigeria. For Achebe to have been so creative with that title within that period of turmoil portrayed everything. It meant so much to see how things began to unravel.

Another role he bestowed on African writers is to educate. Every growing child needs good educators. They need good role models to help and guide them. But the task of educating his fellow Africans is a great challenge too as he later found out.

According to him,

 “It is inconceivable to me that a serious writer could stand aside from this debate or to be indifferent to this argument which calls his full humanity in question. For me, at any rate there is clear duty to make a statement. This is my answer to those who say that a writer should be writing about contemporary issues- about politics in 1964 , about city life, about the last coup d’état. Of course, these are all legitimate themes for the writer but as far as I am concerned the fundamental theme must first be disposed of. This theme, put quite simply, is that African people did not hear of culture for their first time from Europeans; that their societies were not mindless but frequently had a philosophy of great depth and value and beauty, that they had poetry and, above all, they had dignity. It is this dignity that many African people all but lost during the colonial period, and it is this that they must now regain. The worst thing that can happen to any people is the loss of their dignity and self-respect. The writer’s duty is to help them regain it by showing them in human terms what happened to them, what they lost….” (Gale 75)

But in all circumstances a writer should never lose his credibility and integrity.

Another role expected from African writers  is to maintain integrity. As a  writer, it is easy to get caught up with what people want to hear. By doing so, one can mix up wrong facts and ideas which can also take a writer a way from honesty that writing requires.  To Achebe,  African writer has a role of maintaining integrity and trustworthy which is seen in the writing.

In Achebe`s world,

“The question is how does a writer re-create this past? Quite clearly there is a strong temptation to select only those facts that will flatter him. If he succumbs he will have branded himself as an untrustworthy witness. But it is not only his personal integrity as an artist which is involved. The credibility of the world he is attempting to recreate will be called to question and he will defeat his own purpose. If he is suspected of glossing over inconvenient facts. We cannot pretend that our past was long, Technicolor idyll. We have to admit that like other people`s past ours had its good as well as-its bad sides”. (Gale77)

My second blog was titled Our Lives As Readers. It was based on the things I read as a child in Africa. For those of you who read the blog that is where it all began; it brought back memories that a good book is supposed to. My own pains introduced me to literature early on in life. Probably poetry opened the door for me.

In life, one cannot be a profound leader if one does not read books. In other words, how can you retell a story if you have not read one yourself? Or how can you write one if you do not read books yourself? One of the most important things anyone can do for children is to introduce them to books early on . It is so easy to get caught up in what is trending, things that those children may not need anyway. Without our leaders we will have no future and our duty now is to continue to aspire higher, and never settle from things that will not help us.

It is with great honor to look at all the role models : Alice walker, W.E. B Du Bois, Maya Angelou , Anne Moody, Frederick Douglass, Langston Hughes and so many other  writers  that I could not name . We thank them for establishing the way for all of us. We have come to embrace them especially during this black history month.

The great Chinua Achebe was the man who gave Africa a voice

By Ellah  Wakatama Allfrey

More pictures About African Americans.

http://www.ls.cc.al.us/blackhistory/blackhistory.html

http://www.abebooks.com/Chinua-Achebes-things-fall-apart-Monarch/11146958300/bd

To Do Justice Is Within Our Own Discretions

According to Wistawa Szymborska in one of her classified advertisement.

john connelyWHOEVER’S found out what location?
 Compassion (heart’s imagination)
 Can be contacted at these days,
Is herewith urged to name the place;
 And sing about it in full voice,
And dance like crazy and rejoice
Beneath the frail birch that appears
To be upon the verge of tears

I wish all writers were happy people. I wish they all lived in big fancy mansions without anything bothering them at one point in time. There is nothing happy about writing. Writing is an expression of all the good, the bad,and the ugly.

In 2011 a woman with  Parkinson disease was kidnapped in her own home two months after she left USA. The kidnappers thought because of her condition, that her family would come up with a huge ransom they were requesting, but that was not the case. You can’t  force people to give you a lump some of money that they do not have themselves.

These kidnappers watched as she was dying slowly, yet they still kept her until she was about to die. They finally gave up and pushed her out in dry weather to  die helplessly . This is a country that 80-90% of its citizen practices religion. This news brought tears to even those that did not know the woman.

Unfortunately we live in a world that puts pressure on people to do what they are not supposed to do to others. Even things that make no sense can push people to oppress others. Things that are so meaningless can lead humans to hate one another.

Since Nov 2013, some people took hostage of my other  blog. They published things that I never authorized them to do. They often published things that made me look like an illiterate. I have seen things on Google on my blog that puts fear in me. They often left my blog trashed, making it so impossible for me to write. I have spent many hours on telephone talking about my site more than I had spent time  writing.

They even put my blog settings on private so that no one can come here and leave a message. They find it so fascinating that no one was reading my blog. The worst I felt was to break down in front of my own children. They often hold me begging me to stop crying; I wonder what I did to deserve such a horrible punishment. I wonder why, but like I said we live in an unknown world where everything interferes; where some people feel the need at all times to suppress others especially if they had nothing good to say about them. We also live in a world that regardless of how careful one is something may come in between .

Like the woman who died over a senseless act, I think that money should not be an avenue for people to create harm on others. If you love money so much then go and work for it. You do not force people to pay for your own comfort. I wonder how anyone can watch as an old woman was deprived of her medicines and make her to die.

I totally believe that writing is an inheritance. Nobody should force anyone to write. Even if writing has turned into a joke,  yet write so that nothing that comes through your mouth is empty.  I do not know what will happen again. I do not know what will happen. I repeat. But forgiveness is the key to all hurts. The more we forgive people, the more our hearts are at peace. I may not know so much about technology.  I may not know so much about the internet. But all I know is that whenever someone hurt you the best part is to forgive them.

My experience here on internet has decreased my enthusiasm about the world that I love so dearly. It has also created anxiety whenever  I think about the children, their faith in the world today. Like Wistawa said,

 WHOEVER’S found out what location?
Compassion (heart’s imagination)
 Can be contacted at these days,
Is herewith urged to name the place;
 And sing about it in full voice,

Before, anyone can do just the minimum and still succeed. But now you can no longer do minimum. You must do maximum. You must exceed expectations. You must understand how the world works and then put all two and one together.

Cry my beloved country because things have changed so much. But hope still looms. There is a world beneath it all.

My writing may not make sense to you, but I see things that ordinary people do not see. I have seen women and children that are helpless and still helpless. I see things that make me want to cry. But live your life so that you will not create unnecessary hardship on someone else.

To do justice is to be fair to others. Treat people the way you would want others to treat you. Never should you spend your precious time planning just harm to your fellow human.

Comparing The lives Of Two Icons: Mandela And Princess Diana As Their Lives Parallel

A Billy Joel Song says, “Only The Good Die Young, Is that the case? Consider Nelson Mandela and Princess Diana for instance. Maybe that is a slight way to debunk Billy Joel`s song even when we had seen many good people die young. At some point it began to feel a lot like it, as many young people continued to die over the years. But an artist like Billy Joel knows better, or honestly, there is some truth to the song as it is relatable. It is a well-crafted song whether you have lost someone or not

But the recent loss of Mandela at the age of 95 shows how fragile life is and how unpredictable it is too because we never know when one is to die (parts of the unknown).In reality, too, we are also accustomed to seeing the deaths of too many young people who had helped solidify that only the good die young. But Mandela was a good man, selfless, kind too, and was very forgiving, which earned him admiration. But he didn’t die young. It is not easy to ignore what has just happened and be tempted to compare Diana and Mandela, but we can`t ignore them as both their lives parallel each other.

They were both good people with extraordinary power to create peace around themselves. They are revolutionaries. Ironically, they both vacated the most prestigious places on their terms after they found out it would no longer serve its purpose. They were both separated in their marriages before the final divorces. Mandela evidently asked for separation from his wife of 32 years, while Prince Charles in Diana’s case asked for separation from her.

They were both marred with scandals as the news of their infidelities created the most attention. Both these two individuals are both loved globally; they both suffered rejection both in their lives and relationships. They were divorced, felt unloved, and at one point felt that they had no need to marry, just to stay married. One died young while the other died at a ripe age of 95. But in the end, both of these deaths taught us lessons and each death brought pain ( in the case of Diana) and happiness that is so unbelievable ( Mandela’s death).They are not Americans by birth or by naturalization, yet their stories were read and celebrated In America more than any other place in the world. Why? Because this is a country that has helped so many poor people all over the world. This is the world capital for humanity.

As revolutionaries: Diana helped change the British monarchy by how they conducted its affairs with the general public. Before Diana, their affairs was  conducted privately. Not so much was known about them, but all that changed when Diane saw herself in a lonely palace where there was less visitations. In her own words, Diana said about her children, “I have taken the children to all sorts of areas where I’m not sure anyone of that age in this family has been before. And they have knowledge they may never use, but the seed is there and I hope it still grows, because knowledge is power”. (Donnelly 58). But do not worry Diana; we know that your children are using the seed you planted. She also put a human face to humanity. She alleviated people`s sufferings as she related to her own pains. She created a new legacy. Meanwhile, Mandela created awareness about the Apartheid; he brought his people out from sufferings, and gave it the attention it deserved. He transformed South Africa. His efforts helped to erase more memories about Apartheid and welcomed and embraced the new, now widely known South Africa. Without Mandela, the world would not have known so much about South Africa and Apartheid.   

Ironically, they both relinquished their duties. Mandela as a great man of conscience voluntarily left the office in 1999 after one term in office because he wanted to make sure that South African democracy did not descend into a personality cult; he did it for his people and the world.

In another kind or relinquishing her duties and moving on from royal palace in general. By the end of 1993,the strain was genuine and Diana was at a low ebb. It was then she shocked her admirers by announcing her withdrawal from  much public life and her role as the figure head of many charities ( Donnelly 63) . Diana did not necessarily enjoy what was happening in Kensington Palace. Her unhappiness was creating distraction to the royal households as she tried desperately to fit into the family. When  she felt that her presence was not needed anymore.  She started missing the dinner parties; she led a lonely existence, and occasionally she would go to high cinema at high Kensington. But most especially, Diana cherished the time that she would spend in private with her sons, free from the pressures of public engagements, if not from the attention of photographers, according to Peter Donnelly.

My blog today will take a look at the sadness that overcame the world in 1997 when Diane died and compared it with the happiness that we all felt when Nelson Mandela died on Thursday December 5th. There is nothing wrong with having those conflicting feelings, and I will tell you why. The world was still moving when The Blessed Theresa of Calcutta, aka Mother Theresa died, in 1997.There was pain when John F. Kennedy died on Nov, 22 1963, when Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and the list goes on. But unlike anything we had seen globally, Both Diana`s and Mandela`s deaths brought tears and happiness that were equally shared. In Diana `s there were tears because of her untimely death then, because of what she could have done more, and she was a mother of two little children. And finally, the world did not have time to tell her how much she was loved. For Mandela, people celebrated his death because he has finished his job here on earth. He has grown up kids, and he had the opportunity to be loved, and he did.

How The world took Notice Of These Two Individuals.

Diana was first introduced to the world in 1981 when she married Prince Charles. A lot happened in her marriage, but we began to notice Diana when she became public about the state of her marriage. She captured our hearts with her humility. Her own rejection led her to her own humanitarian work. She became known globally for her work all over the world. Yet Diana recovered from adversity to capture the hearts of people all over the world. And that triumph was not due to wealth or power or title, but to qualities that lay within – qualities for which she was universally adored with an innate ability to understand, and emphasize with, ordinary people, the desperately sick, the rejected, and the unloved. (Donnelly1).

On the other hand, Mandela became known when he spent 24 years in a prison for his role in Apartheid in South Africa. He later became the face of Apartheid; clamoring for peace in a world that was so broken. Mandela was a revolutionary, a politician and philanthropist who served as President of South Africa from 1994 to 1999. He moved from being incarcerated, to becoming the President of South Africa, to humanitarian, and his admission to the things that he was not good at made us like him. He came out with all the love and attention going to his personal life. Most especially he was an imperfect man who admitted his faults. He won the hearts of millions of people which later transformed him to an Icon.

 Although Mandela went to a real prison and spent 24 years in jail, but in a different kind of cell, Diana felt like she was in a prison. To her, living in a palace feels like a prison, “She had this great urge to go out and meet real people. Of course, she could have a private gym in the palace, but the palace felt a bit like a prison”( Donnelly 44).

Both Mandela and Diana went through rough times and felt so empty at one point in their lives. Diana at one point felt rejected, unloved, and left heartbroken. “I always had my doubts about how he really felt. There was never anything too concrete for me to grab a hold of, “Diana said about how unloved she felt. Her suspicion was right as she went from a loving princess to an abandoned princess. She did not hide her feelings too. In her own words, “I had this feeling that something wasn`t right, “One minute I was a nobody. The next minute I was a Princess of Wales. It was just too much for one person to handle”, (Donnelly 28).Like Diana, Mandela too felt unloved and wanted out of the marriag.According to him, he did not want to stay married for the sake of being married. The judge listened to him, and granted him divorce from Winnie even when she had objected to the idea of divorce. Like Diana, Mandela divorced in 1996 when he claimed that he was unfaithful to Winnie; he was having an affair with a colleague..

Mandela, just like Diana, was loved by all, the world, and their respective countries of origin. Mandela was viewed as a very humble man. His sense of humor was admirable. He always made his presence felt wherever he went. He never hides his true self and he was relatable. On the other hand, Diana was more than a pretty face, she was humble too. She was relatable probably through her own hardship as her love life became a tabloid story; with her, every story draws more pity. More love from people. As people watched  glued to their TV. Diana became the people’s princess despite all that she went through. Even when the world knew about her infidelity, yet no one cared. Everyone wanted to make sure she was okay. People wanted to see her everywhere she went.

Both Mandela and Diana divorce ended in divorce. Diana was married in July 1981 and had the final divorce in 1996. Mandela was married for 32years Like Diana, Mandela divorced in 1996 when he claimed that he was unfaithful to Winnie; he was having an affair with a colleague. Like both of them, their different affairs never hurt their images. He remained the people’s man diva meaning father, while Diane became the people’s princess. They both received accolades from all over the world. Even their personal life stories did nothing to them as the world wanted more of Mandela and less of Winnie, the same way the world had nothing to do with Prince Charles up until today. They both had an affair, a divorce.

What We Learned From Their Deaths,

But such a huge death will not go unnoticed. In August 1997, Diana`s death brought so much pain and some people still feel the pain until today. I saw how distraught people were, including me. Her death brought so much sadness as people had no time to even say good bye. I remember in 1997 thinking I wish I was more visible in my community while I was growing up. I began to appreciate what it means to make time for other people, which is an important lesson. Her death taught many people a lesson which goes from how I can get better at what I do. This human kindness was a key lesson that was boldly written. But no, it wasn’t. I spent another three days witnessing the anger, and sadness that was so unimaginable to console the grief and the heart broken. She died too young. Yet her death taught every one of us so much.

The death of Mandela yet has reactivated this act of selflessness, the humanity part in all of us that speaks and looks for peace even in an uncomfortable situation. The image around the world was that of joy; it brought joy to my soul, a different kind of feeling that went beyond human comprehension. This is also from the idea of connecting globally. There were happy faces, just like when Diana died, all the national TV stations carried the news, but the image of happiness on people was so unbelievable. I went home thinking, “What happened?” He was a good man. He was old, and he was a humanitarian. I guess not only the good die young. As we celebrate the life of Mandela, there is also so much to learn.

Lessons Beyond

Diana taught us that you can still be visible and be respected .On the other hand, Mandela went from adversity, from 24 years in prison, from living in isolation, to becoming a peace maker. Mandela taught us about forgiveness, acceptance, and creating peace even in the most difficult places. He learned to trust. He was able to move from adversity to victory.

For all who believe in humanity, Thursday, Dec 5th when Mandela died was a winning day for all. It was a day to remember, and most especially, it has opened more opportunities for people to continue to strive so hard for just a common core of peace. It is real and one could feel it; regardless of how unclose or close one is to reality. I know how serious the media`s role could play here. The media goes as our nation goes, the pride that came from Nelson Mandela`s death was so reflective and will remain for a long time. It was so much pride to witness the global unity once more.

His death would have brought so much pain to the community. But his death is creating more aware ness for global tolerance, the peace that is so much needed in the world today. Even though his death does not belong to the song that Billy Joel wrote because we now know that the good don`t always die young, Mandela was humanity. At last, there were celebrations, hope, peace, and harmony. It brought in a global connection and a different kind of death.

Depending on time and place, the world is closer, bigger, and celebrations differ. Who would have thought that the death of Mandela would have brought so much happiness, instead of sadness, and unity instead of division? I guess once in a lifetime a uniter comes to the world.

While Diana`s death taught us a lesson in humility, a lesson to be who you are. A lesson of understanding that a little hand can go a long way in helping the next person. On the other hand, Mandela also taught us that the world is watching. He led by example. He taught us to have a conscience in everything we do. Without a conscience, he would have fallen in love with power. He taught us a wonderful lesson of forgiveness. I overheard a man talking about how the British tortured them for years, but that is not what humanity does. Humanity will move away from envy, jealousy and hatred, and get to the point of vulnerability. Without forgiveness, an open heart, the world could not and would not have had success in this effort of global connection. You can step out and be that pillar who can lead people. In everything you do.

Unlike Diana, Mandela was so fortunate and had opportunities over and over when people told him how much he was loved. Most revolutionaries never have those opportunities. At least he knows that he was beloved before his death, unlike Diana, who wasn`t sure especially as her life was cut very short. But like Diana too, we have seen many young people die heartbroken, and without knowing that they are loved.

Just like Diana, Mandela`s death has become a global affair, read and heard all over the world. Like Diana, instead of experiencing the similar pain we felt in 1997, we are now experiencing a celebration too. As we are all glued to TV, we watch people all over the world celebrate his legacies. I hope we have peace, kindness, and more tolerance among all in a broken and yet hopeful world. How do you want to be remebered?.

 

A Vision Of Peace: The Four questions That Could Change The Way You See Life.

Learning is part of living. I love learning from people. Recently I took a 21 day life class meditation with Deepak and Oprah Winfrey. Throughout the time of the meditations, I realized that my common theme was stress and why I could not have avoided it even if I tried. It was a common theme that has played a role in my life both in negative and positive ways. At the end of the program each day, I had to answer four questions that have helped me to gain clarity in my own life and my relationships with other people. It was an honest and the most vulnerable I have ever come close. Those answers never came easy because some day I tried to avoid answering them but my determination to be free was part of my dedication to the program also.

On this final day of the program 12.2.2013. They want me to share my vision with the world and what this meditation had done for me. These are their own questions and I have to answer and share with the people.

 1 What is your vision, your wish of peace and abundance for all people on Earth? Write it out with detail; consider sharing this as a Facebook post or in an e-mail to those you care about. Give yourself permission to let your heart’s intention shine and ripple out into the world

A vision of peace: As a child, I cannot remember hurting anyone, or staying around anyone who creates problem for people. I hate to pick on anyone even when they had done mean things to me or to other people. I always forgive everyone except one person that I still haven`t found reason to especially now that I have lost my dad, I always felt that the air is always watching over me. God sent you here on earth for a reason (the voice will always tell me). I have always been a peace maker who will cry for anybody who had lost someone.

As my husband even told me I should have made a lot of money by being a crier. Or become a funeral orator, someone who cries for everyone. Therefore, I will love a vision of peace among us all. I want people to know that the world works the same regardless of where one is. Take your time to understand one from their cultural perspectives. I always work with conscience too.

Secondly, as someone who is open to all humankind, one of the most difficult things I have endured living here in America is there is an unspoken division among people. And as someone who had attended more than 10 different colleges here in the United States too. I saw things that broke me too, some made me to be a better person, and others made me to rethink my journey.

I also noticed that people will rather hide and neutralize issues that will not benefit them.  I grew up in a country that has problem with their local tribes yet people faced each other without so many problems. Even when problems arose nobody would call each other racist or tribalist . It has always been on a mutual relationships love and hate relationships if you care to call it that way. As an outsider here too, sometimes people find it interesting how open I am about race, environment, and culture. I genuinely feel like if all children will be raised by eliminating race issues from them, I think they will do better in life.  I want them to unclutter the issue of race from their selves so that they can grow with their eyes wide open to feel, breathe and exhale to love without expecting what they will gain from that relationship. To genuinely care without race interfering.

Raising up my children, has been a dream come true. For anyone who knows them too will openly tell you that they are the most free -minded people around. It did not happen without putting work on it. We were able to limit baby sitter.  All the TV stations that promotes or create tensions about race. They understand that they have brown color, but there is not so much that has been spoken about that. They feel so beautiful without worrying about every other things I have seen children worry about.  Because of that they see the world the same way other mindful individuals are raising their own children. It will not make me a better person to talk the talk without walking the walk. So the type of the world I have vision is laid down from my children.

Charity begins from home. I cannot stress that enough. I know that race is a predominant issue beclouding our visions sometimes here. It is impossible to say anything without race playing its course. I will love the children, the youths to focus more on what will benefit them individually than focusing on race related issues as the people would want them to. In the end, we can all remind them that to be unique individual is never a crime.

One of the key ideas in sociology as stated by Peter  Kivisto is thus he wrote in the introduction to democracy (1853) (1969) on talking about America as a model of Europe future  as stated by Alexis de Tocqueville  on individualism

“I admit I saw in America more than America, it was the shape of democracy itself which I sought, its inclinations, character, prejudices, and passions: I wanted to understand it so as at least to know what we have to fear or hope there from “(19)

 Tocqueville even set out to describe the nature of social relations in democratic societies. According to him, he clearly understood that people in pre modern societies did not always act in ways that advance the interest of the community. He did not romanticize the pre modern relationships between society and individualism. Despite the fact that peoples identity were far more fetched meshed with a collective identity, much could go wrong in the way people relate to and connected with society (86)

 As someone who had lived a dual culture this is the same ideas that has made me cry although they have good intentions but the problem is that more and more people are living in isolation. It is creating more hatred than we could imagine. It is even obvious especially if you are not raising your children to the norms and values of the way society expected it. It is heart breaking to see how divisive we are all into this. It can be very dangerous to the children growing up in a world full of biases, stereotypes, injustice, nepotism, assumptions and many other things too. One thing I have always loved about America  that I spoke passionately about that has always putting me in bad blood with people I do not even know about is that democracy rules here. It is good for everyone but things can go wrong too as I wrote in one of the prose I wrote recently yet to be published.

 

2 What is the most influential ‘ah-ha’ moment you had during our twenty-two days together?

I believe it came on the 17th day when I was asked about A ghost cross path. This moment reminded me of what I have been thinking lately. The question says” Who was my best teacher: A ghost cross path and what you learned from him or her”. I was so shocked because I am the exact replica of my father but in a lady’s robe. My father loved education, and he sets up our community for learning. He spent his money helping the community and all the poor people, He was a Christian, an Atheist, Nze, a born again Christian, a politician, a democrat, republican and he belong to all the parties when I was growing up in Africa.

He was able to accommodate everything without stress. Strangely too he believed in every one too. I thought when I was growing up that there was no way I would be like my father, but  as time gets deeper I was just my father, the difference was my father was so open and very close to people. He knows how to be honest and play politics at the same time. But I was so different sometimes people may not even know how I stand on a lot of issues. I want the best outcome to all kids not necessary what the society thinks.  But while my father confronts issues, He had so much energy to oppose things that he felt was not fair, I did not have as much energy like my father did. I never confront issues but I ran away from issues.  People will want me to be out there as a lover of peace, education and my charity work but I always have excuse to disappear because I do not know how to control things around me. And my stress level is negative. My father was both energetic, Humorous and say it like it is kind of a guy. Very calm and bold. So I realized that my weaknesses was my father’s edge over me yet we are same individual.

3What does gratitude mean to you today? What are you most grateful for in this moment?

I am grateful for Deepak and Oprah for constructing a very hard questions that will lead to honesty, and vulnerability. Also grateful for this program because it made me create a title for my book as one theme kept reoccurring. I am also grateful as my daughter survived another asthma attack. I am grateful that my fears are disappearing, which was as combination of stress all the things I was not saying out. I am so grateful for the spirit of love in this world despite our differences. I am grateful that I am making efforts to reach out to people which I never considered doing before,

 

4 Use this space to reflect further on your experience today. Gratitude means being grateful

I have always regretted that I have not given my time enough to people that may need them. But I have been a student for most part close to 15years. I also have three children that have food related asthma and allergy that I work around their school programs. So I have always worked around their health and as student, even when I want to regret why I ran away from leadership positions, I always see myself defending my actions and had never regretted it. It does not make me selfish but between us, my husband and I we have been dealing with exceptional difficulties that if we do not handle very well will become a problem later in future. My husband is still in school at this moment. We have never had extra income to do anything.

 Finally I encourage anyone that have problem of trust, relationship and openness to seek help. From seeking help you might discover that deep inside there is a guiding purpose for all of us to do what is right at all times. .