As people grow, they find different things that appeal to them. It can be money, it can be relationships, it can be cars, it can be love, or if you are like me, you must have grown up loving poetry and all it stands for is whatever happens to what we love in our lives. My happiness comes from what I see every day. My joy has always been fixed on one thing and one thing only. I wish we live in a perfect world where everything is so perfect but we don`t. I wish we live in a world where people are so impeccable but no, we are not. I also wish we live in a world where someone is not crying every day for their loss. It is almost sad to wrap ourselves around and know where we are going from here. As someone who had played a peaceful role in school for 15years and going. It is hard to say that everything is okay.There has been a time that all I have done is to sit down and cry. I worry about our children. I worry about so many things that make sense to human. I worry about where it is going to end. It is not about our position in the world anymore, but it`s about things that may or may not make sense to an ordinary eye. It`s about the hatred that people have for each other yet in a very silence but painful way.
I need Your help.
Poorly Communicated Reason – I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that often we, as managers, haven’t explained the situation well enough. If the employee doesn’t know why they need to do something then they lack reason for following” Managers Diary.
Managers Diary has saved me a number of times. I have known him for as long as I have been blogging. I wrote about A manger who manages my life without knowing it. He has continued to help me.
Recently I have come short in communicating. I have struggled with this for a long time. In a week from today, I will be going back to school to finish a degree in science that I started three years ago or just publish my poetry, my book now. Also for the past four months , some individuals hacked into my current school system, the school evidently suspected that my identity has been exposed, the case is still on going. My blog was hijacked which caused me so much pain. It brought so much pain, because they were logging in as Noaefame in my wordpress.org account.
2 My family is in a financial crisis because we are both students with little or no income with four children. He is still finishing his masters program. Recently, we decided to move closer to my school where I do not have to beg for gas money anymore. This is my 15 years studying different courses. From arts, social science, to pure science. I have also attended both four year colleges (4 different schools)and community ones too (5 different schools) . Recently as a blogger online, I have just started learning here too. I am all about learning and I thank all of you for that.
3 Seriously, we are in debt.Between both of us, we owe more than 100 thousand in student loan, but I promised to finish my bachelors in science which I started three years ago. I know that I love writing. I can be a good writer if I am not burdened by my own financial burden. I want to start my charity work but I also worry about how , where, when. and going to jail if things went wrong.
4 I will like to publish my book any day now if I can afford an editor. I will rather write, help people than going back to school now as my body is so tired from juggling too many roles. It took me time to finally come up with this.
Here is the problem
Recently we moved to a nearby city. It was one of the most difficult decisions we have ever made because we could not afford it. We had a friend who came over to help . Within those four days too, a lot happened that will make anyone loose hope. We had no means of communication. I tried to communicate , but no iPad or wireless phone. I have struggled to communicate all these to all of you. Sometimes I felt so short in my communications, but I do not know what to do.
My new blog is yet to be transfer. This time I have to seek the services of a website builder because of what I had gone through in the last 6months. I almost gave up writing online. I had wanted to wait till the blog is ready to tell you all of these things. I hope to start writing again by the end of this week. I will still use a Word Press theme.
Here is the thing, I have vehemently rejected a celebrity status, you know the truth and I know it because I am scared of what might be. I am the modern day Martin Buber. I hate when we over analyze our artists and subject them to ridicule. We often make fun of their families and put unnecessary pressures on them. Look we are all humans and make mistakes too; but the way we treat them sometimes can discourage anyone to even think about it.
Recently, my body is tired. I am no longer getting young. My oldest daughter is 13years old with so many visions and all she wants which we cannot afford. She is a swimmer, and loves dancing. Last year she was in Miss Teen phoenix but fell short probably we did not put much thought to it. If you have a 13year old at home, you know exactly what I am saying. I will want nothing but to write. I have written so much in the past two weeks. I want to sit down very peacefully and write without worrying about my financial state. My husband has been very supportive of me, but I also feel like I need to help him out financially.
As someone who has benefited so much from books, I never felt that I will be rich writing, but if wealth comes through my work then I will accept it.
Here is My Plan.
Before I go back to school on Tuesday 1/14/14 which I can also do a deferment on it till next year or two. I want you to tell me how I can best serve. I want you to tell me what subject you would like me to focus on. But I love poetry. I cannot live without it. I have passion for children, youths, middle age children, adults and older adults. Together we can build a better world. I trust in you. Do not let my financial burden run me over. This is just a special plea. I have learned from my other mistakes.
I want us to come up with a solution as I have listen to all of you while I took a little break. Thank you for even reading. Help me fulfil this dream. I promise not to let any of you down. I will need nothing now than to honor all the invitations from people around the globe , pay an editor to help me in editing and putting my book in place for publishing. I will also like to complete my research on children which will require time and efforts. You can help me by donating money to my Pay pal account. I love writing, and would want to stick with writing. But instead of compromising my writing principles I will probably stay ofline for a while. Thank you as you consider helping.
How can I best serve?. I need Your Help.
Learning is part of living. I love learning from people. Recently I took a 21 day life class meditation with Deepak and Oprah Winfrey. Throughout the time of the meditations, I realized that my common theme was stress and why I could not have avoided it even if I tried. It was a common theme that has played a role in my life both in negative and positive ways. At the end of the program each day, I had to answer four questions that have helped me to gain clarity in my own life and my relationships with other people. It was an honest and the most vulnerable I have ever come close. Those answers never came easy because some day I tried to avoid answering them but my determination to be free was part of my dedication to the program also.
On this final day of the program 12.2.2013. They want me to share my vision with the world and what this meditation had done for me. These are their own questions and I have to answer and share with the people.
1 What is your vision, your wish of peace and abundance for all people on Earth? Write it out with detail; consider sharing this as a Facebook post or in an e-mail to those you care about. Give yourself permission to let your heart’s intention shine and ripple out into the world
A vision of peace: As a child, I cannot remember hurting anyone, or staying around anyone who creates problem for people. I hate to pick on anyone even when they had done mean things to me or to other people. I always forgive everyone except one person that I still haven`t found reason to especially now that I have lost my dad, I always felt that the air is always watching over me. God sent you here on earth for a reason (the voice will always tell me). I have always been a peace maker who will cry for anybody who had lost someone.
As my husband even told me I should have made a lot of money by being a crier. Or become a funeral orator, someone who cries for everyone. Therefore, I will love a vision of peace among us all. I want people to know that the world works the same regardless of where one is. Take your time to understand one from their cultural perspectives. I always work with conscience too.
Secondly, as someone who is open to all humankind, one of the most difficult things I have endured living here in America is there is an unspoken division among people. And as someone who had attended more than 10 different colleges here in the United States too. I saw things that broke me too, some made me to be a better person, and others made me to rethink my journey.
I also noticed that people will rather hide and neutralize issues that will not benefit them. I grew up in a country that has problem with their local tribes yet people faced each other without so many problems. Even when problems arose nobody would call each other racist or tribalist . It has always been on a mutual relationships love and hate relationships if you care to call it that way. As an outsider here too, sometimes people find it interesting how open I am about race, environment, and culture. I genuinely feel like if all children will be raised by eliminating race issues from them, I think they will do better in life. I want them to unclutter the issue of race from their selves so that they can grow with their eyes wide open to feel, breathe and exhale to love without expecting what they will gain from that relationship. To genuinely care without race interfering.
Raising up my children, has been a dream come true. For anyone who knows them too will openly tell you that they are the most free -minded people around. It did not happen without putting work on it. We were able to limit baby sitter. All the TV stations that promotes or create tensions about race. They understand that they have brown color, but there is not so much that has been spoken about that. They feel so beautiful without worrying about every other things I have seen children worry about. Because of that they see the world the same way other mindful individuals are raising their own children. It will not make me a better person to talk the talk without walking the walk. So the type of the world I have vision is laid down from my children.
Charity begins from home. I cannot stress that enough. I know that race is a predominant issue beclouding our visions sometimes here. It is impossible to say anything without race playing its course. I will love the children, the youths to focus more on what will benefit them individually than focusing on race related issues as the people would want them to. In the end, we can all remind them that to be unique individual is never a crime.
One of the key ideas in sociology as stated by Peter Kivisto is thus he wrote in the introduction to democracy (1853) (1969) on talking about America as a model of Europe future as stated by Alexis de Tocqueville on individualism
“I admit I saw in America more than America, it was the shape of democracy itself which I sought, its inclinations, character, prejudices, and passions: I wanted to understand it so as at least to know what we have to fear or hope there from “(19)
Tocqueville even set out to describe the nature of social relations in democratic societies. According to him, he clearly understood that people in pre modern societies did not always act in ways that advance the interest of the community. He did not romanticize the pre modern relationships between society and individualism. Despite the fact that peoples identity were far more fetched meshed with a collective identity, much could go wrong in the way people relate to and connected with society (86)
As someone who had lived a dual culture this is the same ideas that has made me cry although they have good intentions but the problem is that more and more people are living in isolation. It is creating more hatred than we could imagine. It is even obvious especially if you are not raising your children to the norms and values of the way society expected it. It is heart breaking to see how divisive we are all into this. It can be very dangerous to the children growing up in a world full of biases, stereotypes, injustice, nepotism, assumptions and many other things too. One thing I have always loved about America that I spoke passionately about that has always putting me in bad blood with people I do not even know about is that democracy rules here. It is good for everyone but things can go wrong too as I wrote in one of the prose I wrote recently yet to be published.
2 What is the most influential ‘ah-ha’ moment you had during our twenty-two days together?
I believe it came on the 17th day when I was asked about A ghost cross path. This moment reminded me of what I have been thinking lately. The question says” Who was my best teacher: A ghost cross path and what you learned from him or her”. I was so shocked because I am the exact replica of my father but in a lady’s robe. My father loved education, and he sets up our community for learning. He spent his money helping the community and all the poor people, He was a Christian, an Atheist, Nze, a born again Christian, a politician, a democrat, republican and he belong to all the parties when I was growing up in Africa.
He was able to accommodate everything without stress. Strangely too he believed in every one too. I thought when I was growing up that there was no way I would be like my father, but as time gets deeper I was just my father, the difference was my father was so open and very close to people. He knows how to be honest and play politics at the same time. But I was so different sometimes people may not even know how I stand on a lot of issues. I want the best outcome to all kids not necessary what the society thinks. But while my father confronts issues, He had so much energy to oppose things that he felt was not fair, I did not have as much energy like my father did. I never confront issues but I ran away from issues. People will want me to be out there as a lover of peace, education and my charity work but I always have excuse to disappear because I do not know how to control things around me. And my stress level is negative. My father was both energetic, Humorous and say it like it is kind of a guy. Very calm and bold. So I realized that my weaknesses was my father’s edge over me yet we are same individual.
3What does gratitude mean to you today? What are you most grateful for in this moment?
I am grateful for Deepak and Oprah for constructing a very hard questions that will lead to honesty, and vulnerability. Also grateful for this program because it made me create a title for my book as one theme kept reoccurring. I am also grateful as my daughter survived another asthma attack. I am grateful that my fears are disappearing, which was as combination of stress all the things I was not saying out. I am so grateful for the spirit of love in this world despite our differences. I am grateful that I am making efforts to reach out to people which I never considered doing before,
4 Use this space to reflect further on your experience today. Gratitude means being grateful
I have always regretted that I have not given my time enough to people that may need them. But I have been a student for most part close to 15years. I also have three children that have food related asthma and allergy that I work around their school programs. So I have always worked around their health and as student, even when I want to regret why I ran away from leadership positions, I always see myself defending my actions and had never regretted it. It does not make me selfish but between us, my husband and I we have been dealing with exceptional difficulties that if we do not handle very well will become a problem later in future. My husband is still in school at this moment. We have never had extra income to do anything.
Finally I encourage anyone that have problem of trust, relationship and openness to seek help. From seeking help you might discover that deep inside there is a guiding purpose for all of us to do what is right at all times. .
Still name your replacement
That is a personal touch
Often driven by success
Where often barricaded
The champion that you are
The beauty, the joy
The ever shrinking joy
When and how, then and now
The moment of admiration just passes by
Your will no longer be in-between
You are forever free
The heaviness has been uplifted
Walk in the eyes of the people
Are you limitless?
What are your limitations?
What makes you happy?
The joy and all the things in-between
The best part of the world
They know the truth
you too know the truth
There is always a way to say my friend
Your are perfect, good enough, but you are…?
The best part of the world is living a life not alone but by a purpose. We all have a different path to succeed and success to even write. What makes sense to you may not make sense to another person . The most impressive world that we have been giving is the world that identifies the human aspect. No one can run away from it. It speaks rhythm through the ears. When you love the people in it. There is so much to discover.
There is also truth in the identification of all individuals. The human body thrives when they feel loved. But what happened when you furiously looked for love. You may or may not get what you want whether you are curious about it or not. People’s lives are different. The challenges that we all face are different. The road to understanding who we are is also different. There is difference even in the air we breathe. But what makes sense is the universe. What makes sense is you, me, and all the other people working so hard to identify who they really are. Discovering your own purpose can help you make sense of this universe.
We are now in a new solution; a new word or concept. We are now in a time where every word is now centered on money.
The idea now that it is useless to work hard but instead to work smart is at an alarming rate.
But I believe if most children will spend at least 2 hours a day reading a reliance book they will discover that money cannot buy anyone’s respect that they deserve . Money cannot buy anyone happiness either.
But with knowledge and determination, an average child has a 90 % chance of becoming a visionary, a decent leader or an aristocrat.
He or she will also learn the importance of working hard regardless of any obstacle. They will also learn to love and appreciate what they do.
It is called gift of knowledge. Money cannot buy it.
http: //worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/07/06/19318588-29-boarding-school-students-burned-alive-shot-dead-by-islamist-militants-in-nigeria?lite=militants in Nigeria
Like I said before, since I started blogging, I have never said anything about politics even though I know much about what goes on in politics. I have spend my life looking at issues and how we can make this World a better place. I struggled with child slavery back in Africa that really pushed me to speak out about injustice done to people that cannot help themselves. I became a radical for preserving people`s integrity.I also paid a price for the little action I took on my own, which I did not regret even as I write now.
Recently, I wrote a whole article on what I have seen so far by just becoming a member of Facebook. I have seen sculls, I have seen armed robbers killing people, and dead bodies littering all over the streets in Nigeria . I have also seen so many Nigerian Facebook fans writing about their problems that is not getting anywhere. On 4th of July, I wrote about why education is not what it is use to be because the Muslims are killing innocent children and making it difficult for people to relocate to the places of their choice compare to how it is done here in America.
As people that we are, all the humanitarian people of the world. I do not think life should be based on issues that cannot help people. I could have ignored this topic but on the other hand I was right because I lived there for my young adult years.
I am not trying to compare countries , but here in America, children are protected, sheltered and taken care of. In Nigeria Islamist militants are always finding ways to kill Christians , children and anybody that comes their way.
The only thing I can do now is to create this awareness that the Radical Islam has brought pain to the children. Killing them for no reasons. I hope that what I have gone through emotionally since I opened my Facebook on April 17th 2013 will remind me of the great work we still need to do.
I am not here to talk about politics but I will do my best to encourage people to take a moment and weep for the killings of innocent children allover the world. Today again NBC News Reported that 29 boarding students were burned alive in Nigeria. And other people killed by militants too
We pray that God will receive their souls. I am not here to preach, but it is time the world let go of sensitive issues that are not helping us but are dividing us. Even here in the United States, the issue of race has taken center stage again. People are fired, maimed for saying something they are also sorry for. When do we forgive people and let them learn from their mistakes instead of making them lose their jobs. We put them at a distance and make them beg us over and over again.
What is humanity anymore? To me all it does is to bring more disunity among people. It also brings hatred because people may not want to say something casually and be called racists. I lived in Georgia from 1997-2008. I left because as a human being , I do not want my children to grow up in a biased environment. I want freedom of mind for every child. Teach children the freedom that only truth can bring.
We want every child to be able to walk around without fear of the unknown. I will also want my children to visit Nigeria one day because that is what tourism provides us. It is time this young generation stands up and rejects issues that have no bearing in our lives.
How can we resist, all these issues that are not helping us but are dividing us? Help us by answering them in any way you can .
My easy slogans are: Stay strong, be proud, and tell yourself that you are very proactive. These have been my words since I was 10 years old. In our lives today, human powers are often tested by the things we know and see, and the things so unknown and unforeseen at same time. But according to my beloved poet,
”We`re extremely fortunate not to know precisely the kind of world we live in ‘because if so, one would have to live a long, long time, unquestionably longer than the world itself’” (Wistawa Szymborska) .
Sometimes we wish we knew everything, including when we are about to be subdued. The last thing in the world now that I want to claim is ignorance. Unfortunately I cannot claim to be so ignorant because I have passed that stage. Right now my goal is to create awareness based on what I know that works too. Everything that I have not expressed in my work is probably my area of vulnerabilities.
Decency is an attitude that has been there for me. I never believed in shortcuts and cannot promise that to anyone. I always have great conviction about things I strongly believe in. I believe in God and I truly love philosophy, poetry, and literature. Inasmuch as some people may disagree with me, everything I mention deals with reality, which includes me. I am reality; you can create a show out of me.
Adding to that, most convictions we have in life are also mostly from experience. Experience is everything. I can tell you everything that I have experienced in my life if it is going to help anyone. In reality, one`s belief system is another thing. If you grow up without any morals or discipline whatsoever, you may have a hard time accepting rejection and acceptance, which is part of human nature.
The first time I faced rejection was in college back in 1999 in a literature honor’s class; nobody could understand my accent. Reading literature was also a struggle because nobody wanted to hear me explain literature with a poor accent either. It was a scary moment that I had never experienced before because I had just migrated from a different country and had no idea I had an accent then, but because of the conviction and the knowledge I had about literature, I was able to write it down, coupled with my poor writing. Yet, I still found a way to explain what I meant.
I also noticed that some people in a similar situation as I was then dropped out and disappeared, but I kept my cool and asked how I could get better. Recently I have faced a lot of struggles. I struggle in the fact that I am not vulnerable based on all the things I know, all the things I believe in and the great integrity I always carry as a weapon.
Recently too, I have also struggled with my pursuit to no ending happiness which is a fuss because you do not pursue happiness; instead, do things that will bring your own happiness. But I also realize that I am so different. I cannot be flashy even if I want to. I cannot be very rich; probably I will have heart attack. I cannot fly off the roof top or similar things like that because that is not just me. I also realize that I will be more useful to the children I will be helping, than becoming a rich billionaire.
If I happen to be rich in the process, well so be it. If not, I will continue to work in my unshakable belief. Why do you have to suffer yourself? Someone may wonder, “How do you move on in life that probably a lot of people will not understand?? If you know me very well, you should know that what makes me happy is entirely nothing you might think. It is not for anyone to know either, but life is a movement.
It is a journey only one can explain herself. I have also love and respect for everyone who has tried to save me in one way or the other. The problem is not you, but my integrity is worth more to me than anything. It is one thing to be an inspiration to someone when he or she cannot trust a word you say. I have worked so hard to get here; therefore, it will be so hard to lose my integrity.
In life, we often say yes to a lot of things even when we have no clue of all the details. I am very guilty of that. God forgive me because I am getting too anxious to move in a quicker direction. Recently, I have also created uneasiness for myself in trying to work with what I do not have. But I have made a switch to go back and use what I have, which is my creation. To uphold the truth, my dignity, my honesty, and my right attitude, I do not want to stretch myself any longer or I will break down. I still have four young girls that their world may tear apart if I break down now. You learn as you go.
Here are ways you can preserve your integrity as writer:
1 As a writer, what you experience, you cannot avoid. You cannot write about what you do not know or have never experienced. Secondly you cannot convince anyone if you do not have conviction yourself.
2 As a writer, creations are what you make ,that may or may not make sense to an outsider. Creation comes from vision. It comes from the heart, It also comes from feelings too. If you are able to create your own words, nobody can uncreate them. Fight the hard battle with all your strength. From a quote I heard recently, “A person of value believes, waits, and stands on the value of his or her own belief” (Pastor Timothy J. Gustaf son).
3 As a writer, your attitude is more important than all the money you can make. Be careful how you respond to things that may or may not be fair to you. And remember, life is a journey which can only take you wherever you want.
I will continue to work in the areas that I am deficit. I am not perfect now, but you can teach me anything. Have patience with me. I may never be a tech expert, but you can count on my words. They are real, and reality is real. I will continue to focus on my writing and ways to improve. Thank you so much. I have totally embrace everyone`s concerns during my week-long absence. Thank you all.Remember if you do not ask me any questions, none of this may make sense. This is my own inner battle; it may not affect anyone. During next week, you will hear all the details of what we will be doing here. I am going to need help in achieving this. Thank you for paying attention.
Be resilient if you need to
Your new flora and fauna has no pity.
Presents and perfect are not what it recycled to be.
The negation is alarming, crispy, and callous.
Tears are not only for fall-outs, as ruled
Tears to wash away our wariness,
The tears when there is belief.
Tears when we are over the moon.
Tears when our hopes are weakening down.
Tears when all hope was vanished
What do you do at this wadding?
Can you lose hope because it is gone?
What will the infants do?
Cry if it can exonerate you,
Cry If it`s worth crying for.
Cry if there is no effort from you, me
Cry, yes! for we have a mission, not yet muffled
a world out there needs our message.
Cry even when there are no other options left.
This petrifying world is not balanced like we believed.
Please cry for the children are for gen,
Whether agreeably or by secrecy,
the new realm need distinguished, value-added,
organized and no jesters for all.