Best Three Wishes For EveryChild

What is a family  structure?   A family structure  is the way a family is organized according  to roles, rules, power and other things only family members know about.  How does anyone know when a child is having a life meant for him or her? In nature, most family secrets are kept private  for the interest of  the family. How and when do things begin to change for most children? The reality is that every  challenge is different for each child.

In assessing family structures , the author of The Developing Person, Kathleen Stassen Berger, wrote that, cross culturally, children have thrived robustly in many kinds of family structures; that is, households composed of people connected to each other in various legal and bio social ways (p.494).  In the mid –twentieth century she said, that the ideal family structure could be a family of two biological parents living with their own two or three children. She went on to say that things can be a little bit different in places like Africa, Asia and Latin America. They have  little but similar kinds of structures. In those places, family structures can comprise of large extended families with grandparents and great grandparents, which might also include cousins, uncles, and extended relatives. With so much shared and learned, no wonder children are more likely to thrive in a healthier environment.

Berger also reiterated that, as we approach the twenty- first century, the traditional family structure that predominated during most of America history is becoming increasingly less common,( Skolnick 1991)  if current trends continue only a minority about 40 percent of children  born in the United States in the 1990s will live with both biological  parents  from birth to age 18. Another 30 percent will begin life with married parents who will later divorce while the remaining 30 will be born to an unmarried woman (Furstenberg & Cherlin 1991).

In addition, many children in the latter two groups will experience several changes in household composition -spending part of childhood living with a grandparent, or with a stepparent or with a parent`s live-in lover, and several marital transitions. From divorce to remarriage to divorce again.

While this is going on, many of these children will go through many life changes before they turn 18 years. No wonder there are so  many children clueless today, with lack of direction and somehow experiencing hardships.  I believe that nobody is spared the pain when it comes to children. They were often born into these strange circumstances. I used to think that children have the power to change their destiny. But I have my own children now, and I have realized that if they are not guided properly, nurtured  the right way, the problems are not going to go away. But most especially, the society will continue to bear the burden. The dramatic changes according to Center For The Study Of Social Policy, has called for the need to address the dramatic changes and pressures associated with contemporary American Family life, such as, fewer couples are marrying, or are choosing to marry at later ages, more are cohabiting, increasing numbers of children will spend some part of their childhood in a single parent home.  And rising  health care, housing, and child care costs are making it difficult for families  to balance  the competing demands of work and family ( 24)   Based on that alone, My three wishes for every child will be to have a home, A Father, and  education.

1 Home

Home is what it is. Home is the most sacred and peaceful place that children can rest after they have had enough.  It is a place where children are taught the most valuable and acceptable ways of behaving whether based on beliefs or ideologies. At home also , children learn to be responsible in their own little ways.  They learn the difference between what is wrong or right if their parents persistently point it out to them. According to Miller, teaching them the acceptable, social behavior, and coaching children toward positive social development may be the most importannt thing for them (Miller 241). A good home can make a big difference in a child`s life. It can set a tone on how a child sees the world around him or her. For example, if you teach a child to see good in people, definitely they will regardless of any obstacles. Yes,  I do believe in homes.

I really do. Growing up I was one of those people who would fall asleep on a couch in their friend’s home. Probably   their home was very comfortable (I probably had one of the best homes don’t misunderstand me.) But I was always looking for a place that was totally different from what I used to know. Home should take away nightmares instead of creating one. A home should organize a child, and not dis -organize a child . The more confusion  at home, the more children are really affected by it. It starts from little things until it expands to  bigger problems. It may not be an intentional act, but it may be with good intentions, yet very disruptive to their lives. Growing up, I had to listen to everyone but I was born to be different too. But not every child has the same kind of capabilities, and resistance,  and that is why we should steer them away from confusion at early stage in their lives.

Home is where

Whether by accident or by design, some people are blessed with a home they can call a home. They might be lucky to have a two- parent home. The advantage of having a two parent home is usually having a financial advantage over any single parent home (do not ask me how). With the man or woman working, children are well off; they are also introduced to early childhood education, better health, not that a single parent home cannot, but there is nothing like a two parent home. There might be struggle here and there but nothing compares to when two parents are working together to the benefit of the whole family.

Home, home for me should be warm. In that warm cottage there should be a structure. By having a structure, children will be directed in the ways they should go. Then inside the home, there will be loving and kind parents watching over the children whether those kids are difficult or easy, following direction or not, but they should have a place where somebody will teach them what is wrong or right. Where they will be taught the importance of making good choices. The importance of having patient in everything they do. That home should not be perfect, but at least there should be normalcy among everything. Then nagging should be done in moderation. Growing up, I did not get along with my stepmother; it eventually cost  me my own relationship with my dad. It is hard whenever a child had to choose between one parent. It made life so uncomfortable.  So to avoid that I hope a child has a home that is not complicated because no child deserves to go through childhood only to realize that the better part of their life was wasted. Home is where the heart is. Home is joy, peace even though there is no guarantee, but especially, let a home be a place where every child belongs.

2 Father, parenting in context

According to The Center of Social Policy, the relational well being of families is an important factor affecting a family`s economic success, physical and mental health, the readiness and success of children in school, and the engagement of youth in positive and productive roles (24).

The strength of every family is its ability to nurture and care for its members. We all know that to be a father is a very big commitment. Statistics  have shown that there are too many men that claim to be a father, yet only 45% are actually doing the job of a father. I wish every child would have those men who belong in those statistics and not a father who is drunk. A drunken father wakes up and abandons the children. His mind is always somewhere else. He gets angry with his innocent children. He  is always drunk. His children never take him seriously.

Children need a man with compassion, a man of faith, a man with love, and  strong enough to handle every situation. A father has more discipline to give depending on the situation. I often let my husband take over things I could not handle. A father is a role model that his or her children want to emulate. A niece of ours has refused to marry anyone after how she saw how her dad had treated her mom; on the other hand, I am scared for my own children because I do not want them to think that every man is like their dad who will do anything anytime for them. Children are also great observers, they watchs  every move  their parents make  whether it is a positive ones or not. Parenting style also affects how children reacts to things.

According to family research, the relationship between husband and wife is a significant determination of their parenting style. When the marriage is staying and mutually supportive, both parents tend to be authoritative or traditional parents (Goldberg, 1990).

Children look up to their dad, a good father is always calm, but his absence is always felt by his children. He doesn’t talk so much, but every word means so much for the kids and children remember that quickly. A good father leads the way, and the others follow. A good father leads an exemplary life that lingers in children’s minds. Without that fatherly love, children will not know how to love and how love is shared, my husband once said to me, “I am a better person because of my dad, and I tried so hard to live the life he taught me.” And not who will quit on his children when things get out of control .Like my  little nephews dad did abandoned them two days before one of them turn 6years old , leaving the little girl scared, and tears in her eyes. The relationship of a father with their children grow over time. It takes years, it does not take one visit from a father, or one trip to Disney world. You might think so but guess what, they will still tell their friends who their actual father is. Therefore knowing how family bond especially when a dad is present will help and structure any home.

3 Education.

As a society what runs  through our minds when we mention education? Whenever we think about education, it becomes about   school  and learning .School is good, education is  very good, then  general knowledge is also education. Children  must get ‘all-round’ education. If you teach a child how to pick up his or  her own trash so that even when he or she left home they can make a difference. It is also important to teach a child how to be respectful of another person`s   property. I have a daughter that I continuously preach to her the importance of showing respect to people`s property. After 8 years, she came home last week to tell me that she has made it to the “lunch bunch” whatever that is but it means she has to pick a special lunch for behaving  very well ( outstanding) . Now my daughter  is doing  very well ( she has always  done so well probably I have high expectations on her )

Tweet this if you believe me “Some children are better raised  by their own parents” We need to continue to encourage them. The most important education is often taught at homes.  Teachers can only do what they could. It is also important to teach them how to be respectful of others without bullying them.

We can also teach the girls  how to act as  ladies and if he is a boy same applies to him ” How to be a man” . Teach them the  importance of  self-respect without expecting anyone to hand it to them; which will guide them  him or her  along the way.  Parents can also teach them  how to fix their own bed. Somebody might say why is she talking about this, but I have seen it all. I have seen people that just assumes that picking up after themselves is not right. You can educate your own child with your own knowledge so that she can also exhibit her own unique human kindness.

We can talk about it here.  What is happening to family structure? What other wishes do you have for a child.

Additional resources.


2 thoughts on “Best Three Wishes For EveryChild

  1. Nkechi,

    This is a wonderful information to those fathers who want to make thing right. However, many fathers are stepping up to their duties as fathers.

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