How Two Bloggers Inspired Me

How  Two Bloggers Inspired Me

In reality, one will definitely decide what she or he is willing to give up or overcome to obtain the results she or he desperately needs. Recently, unlike myself, I have been quite open about what I am willing to give in to. I have, for the most part, talk so much about solving problems, but the reality is that I still have a lot of guilt circulating in my veins.

Secondly, because I do not know how to ask for help, especially if it involves money, I would rather forget about it and move on. Now is my time to let go and be free of all these emotional stresses that have been giving me double signals in the past. Since I became a blogger, I have fairly said much, but where I am going from here? Recently I saw encouragement from two other bloggers that had just reminded me a little bit of me, and the other reminded me a little bit of what I should do to be free.

One of them is Creative Mystery. I was drawn so close to him not by anything but by the title of his blog. I went in to his blog, and it took me one minute to recognize that he is an introvert. Why? Because it felt so cold in there with all his awards splattered all over his blog. His own creativity was beyond my imagination.

I know an introvert when I read his or her words; I was shocked that there are still people like me: People that still have big walls surrounding them; people that do not know how to escape the guilt they harbor in their minds; people that do not know how to ask for help but will rather bury themselves with their own creations. I felt so sorry for the young man. I wish I could help him, give him a hug, and tell him everything will be okay.

For days he disappeared again. I was still monitoring his blog. I went back to actually read another blog he wrote; on this post, he was actually confessing about his guilt and how his faith had led him to his own confession that day. He was still reeling from his own pain and disappointments.  It was hard to let go according to him. I was so touched and I went and released my poetry that said, “A Promise Worth Keeping” with the hope he can read it and keep on moving, “I wish he would read that poem one day,” I said to myself.

On 6/15/13 again, I read another Blog by Becca which she wrote on June 11, 2013 http://incasefathersdaysucksforyou.wordpress.com/

Here  again I saw another young lady, crying about the loss of a father and how she is moving on from it all after years of bad feelings. First, these are her words, “Does it infuriate anyone else when people tweet “Happy Father’s Day, dad” to a dad who doesn’t even have Twitter? I digress”.

Then when she has accepted her faith, this  were her words “I needed to stop avoiding every Hallmark holiday just because they made me sad”.

To me, nothing makes me sad, but then, this is quite frankly the closest I have come to my own reality. Let go or get loss.  I have learned so much from her blog.  Thank you, Becca, for teaching me. Her article touched me too. I began to cry for my own loss. My own pain, my own lost childhood, my own lost memories, and please do not forget that I am still struggling with forgiving myself and forgiving one other person that I am not willing to go into detail in case if you do not know by now.  I said I wish I am proud that I have let it go. I wish I have gotten the help I so much deserve.

My writing emerged from my own pain, my own lamentation, my lost, guilt and all the things I cannot help. Even when I opened it up for discussion nobody knew how to help me, still allowing it to linger on. I love when people open up about their own struggles, and this is my own opportunity to share my plans and how I think I will move on from all this.

These two people have taught me another lesson. First what happens when you still live in pain? And secondly, what can happen when you have accepted your own situation and move on? Well I promise myself that I am working towards mine, and this is how I plan to confront my own pain. For years I have harbored it in my mind, my soul, my heart, and in every ounce of me.

From here, it began today. It starts from here. Open your eyes; then your journey begins from here to Africa, and beyond; hope you find what you are looking for.

I Hope you see at least a piece of your childhood memories. Things like toys, books, pictures, walls that were left of you unnoticed; hope there is a picture to remind you of your childhood. Hope there is something you can hang on to.

2 Hope you will go with an open mind and open hand to embrace love, but most importantly to forgive and be free. Free from doubts, free from trust. Hope you leave a thing that will make your dad proud and happy—forgiveness.

3 Hope you will know the truth, what he really thinks of you.  Hope he did not think you did not care. Hope you make him understand even when he was not here, that you already paid the price; that you are still trying to move on. That you have been forgiven, live a free life. Behold, life is so complicated; please do not take life for granted; understand how complicated life is.

4 Hope you will see something that will change your mind, something to take the stinking memories and replace them with the joy that you speak, the words that you practice.

5 Hope she comes back a renewed person, free as birds; learn to be free. Practice freedom. Love like you’ve never seen before, never thought it will happen. Express yourself. Be free from your fears.

I hope everyone who has been reading my blog will help me get there, whether by words of encouragement or by action. Thanks for understanding. First I want to raise money to start my publishing which is starting now; I am so glad I am communicating with the would-be publisher and all the things I need to be putting together, and most importantly, setting a date.

Secondly, I plan to visit Africa between now and June of next year to at least know where my dad was buried, just to find closure. And finally, it might make sense. At his final resting place, I am going to confront my fears, my headaches, and finally be free. It is going to be a long journey if everyone can help me.

Please, if anyone wants to contribute to these plans, I need an idea on how to set up the charity so that everybody’s names will be included. I do not want a secret donation; rather, I want the money to go to the actual plan for it. As  somebody who loves reading too , I will try and create poetry  that children will love to read. The message may resonates with people . I will be donating  the book to the library and the schools  especially to the children that  will  need to hear it. Tell me how I can better reach my audience for this goal.

Thanks so much.

http://www.gofundme.com/3zp5eg

                                                                                                                                       

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2 Responses

  1. I hope that you are able to accomplish what you so want…. your book and your trip….. May God bless your desire and your efforts.. Diane

    • Thank you Diane. I will try my best and pray that God will guide me . It is not going to be easy, but I am hoping it will.

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