When A Dad`s Absent Becomes Obvious

When Do You Give Up On A Child

 A ‘difficult child” according to Kathleen Stassen Berger is someone who is “difficult, disobedient, hostile, demanding, and very impulsive (Childhood and Developmental). But for girls and boys their situations may vary. For people too, discovering stubbornness in sexes can be challenging. Either because they  have all boys or all girls. In my case, I can tell more about a girl  and has no clue about boys are you daddy 2

The only thing I know is probably from what the researchers are saying. Why, because I have all girls. This issue is not even about a boy or girl issue. But just how a father`s presence in a home  could have made a difference.This case was so serious that I began to get worried. For this mother, we met on a Saturday morning. As we sat down talking she became worried, tired, and restless all at the same time. Then she stopped saying a word as tears began to splatter her face. I became worried myself. What happened, and she busted into tears accompanied with hopelessness. Why I asked? When have things changed for the worst? I want to know! But according to her mother, “All she does is texting, running around, and she does not want to do anything” . They have suspended her at school many times. She totally don  blue hair.Blue hair, does it signify any meaning? I have once told her daughter that changing her hair color from natural to loud colors like she does all the time could be a distraction to other students, yet she was not slowing down.

She hangs out with anybody that is willing to take her in. And there is no father figure to chase her down. I was upset because I know the role my own husband plays in our household. I also know how it feels to have a male presence at home because I was raised by my dad. Things get strengthened up whenever he was at home, or even when we heard his voice coming home. But quite frank,it is hard when somebody especially a parent finds herself in such a  difficult situation. Our children, times are different now. Things are no longer what they used to be. In addition to  that,technology has ruined things especially the ways we communicate with our children. It is easy to assume that a parent just wants to spoil a child, but often they become overwhelmed with demands that it is very easy to give in to their demands. On the other hand, if you are one of those parents that let them talk all they want. Things are going to get more complicated if continued that way. But for me I don’t, for just the simple basic reasons.But all I know is that sometimes when things become overwhelming, I let my husband take control. But to leave every burden, every action, every decision to be solely on one person at this time of uncertainty  in my opinion is wrong . A though you cannot say whose choice was it sometimes. But regardless of who chose what, Women’s roles are different from male’s roles. Inasmuch as I feel sorry for her situation, I had no idea what to tell her. One because issues like this brings such sensitivity to it.

There is a reason why every child needs a father in their lives except for those  who have lost their father  like me .Those children need  a  man filled with a loving spirit, a man with wisdom to guide, A man who is not afraid to give out rules and follow it up. A father who will  not wake up one morning and abandon his children. There are situations that deserve more attention more than the others. My heart goes out to another woman that I heard on K – Love  radio station on  6/2/13 at 6.45pm making a radio request for her special need child. She was so happy that her child will be graduating after all his struggles. The mother had to even enroll the child in an alternative school because he was not functioning well in the traditional school.

All her hopes her life is in that, her angel. The radio DJ was forced to ask where his Daddy was. And there was silence from the woman. It dawned on me that probably she was doing this alone by herself? How could this be I was wondering.  Waooh! How can this be? To be a lone parent with a child that is disabled will be hard to imagine, let alone be real. There are so many issues that need to be addressed in one way or the other, please. I pray that our children will always come first in our lives as this woman has done. Raising children is one of the most difficult tasks to do. It is not easy, and mothers need all the helping hands they can get.

This is a time of prayers for all fathers especially during this father’s day to help them realize that without their strength and presence in a home, most children are empty, sad, rebellious, and agitated. Please  whatever you do, think about your presence and what it will mean to all these children.

Going back to my first scenario, as humans, it is often okay to pretend that everything is okay. We often have this hope that our children will learn as they are growing.

It is okay to have good positive thinking.

1 But what if you find out that your child is a person that is very difficult to please. No matter what you try to do she does not appreciate your effort or even acknowledge that. What if the same child does not think she owes you an apology for putting you through that part? What if that child confides more with her friends than she does to her own parents?

2 What if you have a child who lies about her behavior to the school and always claims to be a victim? What if  the same person who does not follow directions from the same teacher at school only to come home to tell you it is the teacher’s fault for giving her negatives?

3 What if you have in several occasions giving your child an avenue to succeed, after everything and she turns down all the efforts and dismissed everything you have done.

4 What if you have a child that has her life planned out even when you the parent knows she has no idea what she is doing?

Now with the different scenarios arisen, we can even hold people accountable for their actions. I hope every child gets the love and care they deserve. But on a more serious note, as parents too, we often felt the need that we want children; we have every opportunity to love them and care for them. Worry about their actions and how it will affect the whole people around him or her. Lose sleep over everything, get them to the things they need in life, yet you find out that they are very impossible to deal with. You find out that they are so close to walking out of the door away from your “nagging,” as they term it. When do you give up on a child? What do you do to bring them back from where their mind is? Is it possible to mend this type of relationship? How is a fathers presence in a home help to solve this type of problems. Please let your voice be heard.


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