Is This Your Bad Parenting?

The type of mom Angelina Jolie does not want to beaccording to Angelina–and I quote, “I think Shiloh is fascinating, the choices she is making, and I would never be the kind of parent to force somebody to be something they are not. I think that is just bad parenting. Children should be allowed to express themselves in whatever way they wish without anybody judging them because it is an important part of their growth.”

I agree to some extent. But the problem is that there is never going to be a tense moment when you are raising kids with a gazillion dollars compared to when you are in poverty. Bring it on, Angelina.  You are the wrong person to talk about this issue, but we can also talk about it because it came from your mouth. “A Hollywood mum, (I do not envy you one bit.) But if you live in the real world, there are too many things bad about parenting, and your point is among the least. Parenting is hard.

Technically, I also agree with her because if the child is pushed to be a musician, (something they are not) are very strong words. Now you can force a child to do something they are not good at to help them. On the other hand, it is also wrong to force children into whatever they cannot pull off. But if you know your child well, one of the important ways you can help them is to look at their strengths, their capabilities and their weaknesses and then decide what`s best for them.  Exposing children to what they cannot really pull off is not necessarily bad parenting; when there are too many things attached as bad parenting.

Somebody told me one time that her mom wants her to be like Jennifer Lopez. To me that is what I call wishful thinking (you just wish). It happens all the time.

You and I know that there are many mums out there that can push their children to do what they are not really comfortable at doing to push buttons, but nowhere near doing bad parenting. I call them being desperate mums in desperate situations, and we all can figure them out in a second; they step out to do anything.

On  the other hand, can we also say that one is a bad mom  when she  fails to introduce her children to whatever they want  to do because they cannot afford them, then turns around to push them to do things they are not really good at, probably something that will create money quickly (like the American Idol situation).

Then here is the point. There are many things I will consider to be bad parenting than forcing them to do what they are not good at. For example, when you totally ignore things that will destroy your children in the future; things like allowing your child to follow bad crowds, allowing them to listen to inappropriate songs underage, letting them get too much unnecessary information. Parents  allowing their children  to watch TV all day, all night without having a rule set for all things electronics, or even allowing them to live a care-free lifestyle like having a huge tattoo on their arms when they are still not mature to know the implications of what they are doing, and not taking your children to church whether you are a believer or not. Or even when you lied to them; instead of telling them the truth about your family financial situations.

Here is my take on this: Angelina may not know the reasons behind her wonderful profession whether her parents thought it was a good choice for her or whether it was her own choice. Then if you are a Millionaire like Angelina, I think raising kids will be a lot easier. At least she can afford to give them whatever that is available without spoiling them.

Money sometimes keeps children quiet, so you may not necessarily know how they would have reacted if they were placed in a situation where they had to manage every day. That is what I call parenting, controlling situations where it seems impossible. A lot of good hard working mums have done it. Money does not make any one happy, but it brings in comfort that is immeasurable. For example, I have seen her take her kids to places that I could not afford.

Most parents would like to have a break, too, which they never have because it takes a lot of money to go on vacation. If your child knows that they will be going to Disney World every year without hearing it from their friends, there is no frustration there. Also if you have so much money in the bank , you may not even  care what your children want to do, after all, there is no financial pressure on them.

Here are three things no mother will tell you:

  1.  No mother will tell you that every decision they took concerning their children whether they have one child, two children or three is with a clear mind. They call it, “If you can`t beat them, join them.” These are situations where mothers start acting like they do not know what is going on. “Mum, can I have apples?” “Go ahead.” “Mum, can I go to my friend’s house?” “Go ahead and leave me alone.” As pressure grows, conformity goes. Within three minutes of answering “yes” only to come back and ask yourself, “When did that happen?” As parents we succumb to too much pressure, whether it is about foods or things they love or hate to pursue. Sometimes you will rather push your child to do what she does not want to do than seeing her waste away. If your daughter comes up to you and says, “Mum, I want to be a babysitter,” what do you do? Some parents might object to that; sometimes it might lead those parents to take decision that may or may not suit the person in mind. Does that mean bad parenting?
  2. No mother will tell you that they do not wake up every morning thinking what they could or should have done differently, especially if things began to go out of hand. I have a friend whose 14 year old daughter ran away from home; the mother was so ashamed of herself. But she has done everything to help make her daughter understand all the dangers out there and to make her understand that there is nothing out there. If you are that parent, do you see yourself as a bad mum?
  3. No mother has not ever entertained the idea of  giving up on their  children . Whether you agree with their decisions or not. Whether they agree with you their mother or not. As a mother, it takes less than five seconds to decide on whether you are running away from those  problems or not ( which some people  prefer to run) . But any  decision to let a child do whatever she or he wants to do does not solely rely on mothers most times . It takes, two big adults (if possible), one child, and whole bunch of family relatives. Next time when you”re  putting all the blame on one person ( the mother) that means you live in a different planet,  raising children depends on many things including both the  foreseen and unforeseen circumstances.

There is a lot to be considered about bad parenting. If  forcing one’s child to do what he or she is not good at is bad parenting, then we will have lesser problems in the world. What do you consider bad parenting?


5 thoughts on “Is This Your Bad Parenting?

  1. I think you did a good job on this. Parenting is a really difficult thing to do well… we all make mistakes but we can only try to make our children good members of society and compassionate human beings. Sometimes we must say ‘no’ to them when they want things that are not good for them. But love them always we must! Diane

    1. That is all we can do.It is not easy to raise children. It takes a lot of work to do, even to be an accomplish parents.
      Thanks for reading.

  2. I just got done reading a couple of your blogs. I commend you on having the nerve to put out your writing and your opinions. After reading some of your blogs, I see that you have good ideas. The only criticisms I have of any of your writing is that you tend to assume the readers know you or know your references. An example of a reference is “(American Idol situation.)” To be honest with you, I have no clue what that means. I do like that you are not afraid to give your opinion. I just feel that some of the things you wrote about in your opinion here can be seen as alittle misguided and, with a lack of a better term, ignorant.

    There are good moms and bad moms and it has nothing to do with money or social standings. My wife and I do not make lots of money and we both grew up poor. We have provided everything we can for our kids. They are living wonderful lives. We didn’t tell them when we were in hard times because our kids don’t need to know about these type of things when they are young because who wants to have a stressed out kid? What’s wrong with allowing a kid to be a kid? Finances are adult business. Playing and enjoying being young are kid business.

    I’m not writing this stuff to change your opinion because you have the right to your opinion. I just wrote it because this was the emotion that your writing brought out of me. You are going to be a great writer. You got me sucked in with this blog. I definitely look forward to more of your writing/blogging.

  3. I Agree with some of what you’re saying. However, you say, take your kids to church even if you don’t believe. That’s ridiculous. You are complaining about forcing kids to do things and you want parents to force kids to go to something that their parents don’t believe in? That’s silly. I am for teaching your kids to have faith however, it’s not my job to control what they have faith in. I can show it to them and whether they want it or not is up to them. Also, being a black woman myself and also a single mother, I always encouraged my children to try things they are not good at. That’s why we as a people are held back because we don’t try things that look too hard or we are not good at. My son was terrible at math when he was a young boy. I had to work extra hard to help him learn. My boy is a PhD now. He does work for our US government. If I didn’t push him and encourage him he’d probably be like all the lowlifes that are in our old neighborhood unemployed, drunk, and or doing drugs. You talking about Hollywood moms like it’s a bad thing. I know there’s some hollywood moms that are bad but i also know a lot of poor and middleclass moms that are bad too. I bet if you had a chance to be rich you wouldn’t turn it away. Ain’t nobody turn down a chance to live comfortable and provide everything for their kids. If anybody would turn down becoming rich and able to provide a good life for their family that would be a bad parent.

    Alice Jackson

    1. I am sorry to have replied late. I am not, but as a writer, you give people option to believe in whatever they want, I have Muslims liking my blog I have all kinds of denominations. But we cannot assume what our children will like. if you are a Christian like I am, take your children to church, whatever you believe in let the children establish their own personal relationship with their God. That is all I am saying. I am not here to start any controversy. But our children need to know the truth whether we believe or not.

I welcome any comments

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